With the recent release of Fifty Shades of Grey movie and its popularity, I can’t help but wonder about the long term consequences that such ideology will have on how people view relationships.
Already, too many couples struggle to maintain happy, healthy relationships. In fact, it’s become almost a monthly occurrence to get news of another friend or acquaintance who’s dealing with a spouse cheating or leaving.
Mutual respect, loyalty, honor, and self-sacrifice have become out-dated, forgotten, or tossed aside in place of short term pleasure that often leaves people feeling hollow and empty.
I honestly can’t help wondering where chivalry has gone, and not just the man-doting-on-the-woman chivalry. But mutual chivalry, the kind where each person in the relationship puts the other in high esteem, uplifts them, and makes a concerted effort to protect and cherish (both emotionally and physically).
Has chivalry become antiquated in our modern society? And even if it has, should it be outdated and on the brink of extinction? Should we be making more of an effort to reclaim mutual respect in relationships?
The kind of respect that does things for someone with no thought of getting anything in return.
The kind of respect that is graciously honest about problems instead of sneaking around and being unfaithful.
The kind of respect that is willing to sacrifice and see the needs of others instead of demanding our way and our own needs be met first.
As my teenage children enter into dating relationships, I worry about the influence of movies and books like Fifty Shades of Grey. I worry that they’ll see dysfunction as the norm. I worry that they’ll settle for a lot less than they should in their relationships. I worry that they won’t even know the meaning of chivalry.
Of course, I’m having candid conversations with my teens about all of these issues. Of course, my husband and I attempt to model mutual respect. And of course, I’m praying my teens work on growing their own character so that they can be strong and ready for whatever they might face.
But one of the bigger things I’ve done recently is write a young adult (YA) series that is aimed at some of these very issues. The first book, An Uncertain Choice, releases March 3. Since the story is set in medieval times amidst castles, knights, and ladies, chivalry is already a huge part of that era and thus the story.
More than giving readers a glimpse of chivalry, however, I hope the book sparks some discussion about what it means to have healthy, respectful relationships.
I’ve developed a FREE downloadable discussion guide (available on my website) that corresponds with each of the chapters in the book and provides many talking points that moms, grandmas, mentors, teachers, and youth leaders can use with the young ladies in their lives.
It’s not just another dating book. Instead it’s a fun and entertaining story that can hopefully facilitate discussion regarding what it means to truly demonstrate chivalry in our relationships.
One of my readers, Kerry Johnson, shared a blog post this week about chivalry, including a very sweet personal story of her own. I invite you to stop by her blog and read her post and her review of An Uncertain Choice.
So what do YOU think? Is chivalry on the brink of extinction? What are some ways we can make sure that we don’t lose it?
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