Those of us in the publishing profession have developed a lingo all our own. If you’ve spent any time at all interacting with authors on social media, then you’ve probably been treated to it. And if you’re a reader and not a writer type, some of it may have struck you as peculiar and/or baffling. Thus, I thought I’d offer a writer-civilian translation guide….
“I’m on deadline.” 
First of all, is ‘on deadline’ good grammar? Substitute a synonym for deadline into the same sentence and you’ll see what I mean: “I’m on time limit.” ? I can only suppose that a bleary-eyed, stressed-out, sleep-deprived writer once slurred, “I’m on deadline,” when she meant to say, “I’m working on a deadline.” Then all the other blurry-eyed, stressed-out, sleep-deprived writers started saying, “I’m on deadline,” too.
What it really means: “I’ve known on what date I needed to turn this book in for months or years. Nonetheless, my plans to pace myself and hit my deadline in a steady, reasonable, and relaxed manner have now imploded. Either I was overly optimistic about my potential level of output or I spent the first several months I allotted to this book procrastinating. I now have to work really hard under a lot of pressure to pay for my mistake. Instead of writing, I’d rather go shopping.”
“I’m going dark.”
What it really means: “I’ve been burning so much time on social media, blogs, web sites, and email, that I’m now going to have to remove myself from those forums. I’m hoping to be so wildly bored and excruciatingly lonely that I’ll actually spend my day working on this book. Instead of writing, I’d rather go shopping. I’d even rather do laundry.”
“I have writer’s block.”
What it really means: “Instead of writing, I’d rather go shopping. I’d even rather do laundry. I’d even rather clean the grout between the bathroom floor tiles with a toothbrush.”
“If you’ve read On Dawn’s Shore, could you please post a review on Amazon?”
What it really means: “If On Dawn’s Shore doesn’t amass a healthy number of reviews, then Amazon will treat it like it’s a homeless street urchin. My book will wander around Amazon’s cyber hallways, shaking its little beggar’s cup, slowly withering away from starvation, searching for ways to be admitted onto a bestseller list for an obscure category of books no one’s ever heard of.”
“The ebook of On Dawn’s Shore is currently on sale for $1.99!” OR “The ebook of On Dawn’s Shore is free for a limited time!”
What it really means: “My publisher or I or both of us are hoping the same thing that the people who give away free samples of chocolate covered nuts at Costco are hoping. If you taste-test On Dawn’s Shore for $1.99 or $0 then, who knows, you may end up loving it. And if, and only if, you end up loving it, you may decide to put an industrial-size jar of chocolate covered nuts into your cart the next time you visit Costco.”
“I planned for my story to go one way, but my characters have a mind of their own!”
What it really means: “Once I waded into the writing of this manuscript I realized that the ideas I’d initially assembled for the plot were a) bunk b) incredibly dull or c) foolishly harebrained. My plans were so unsupportable that the two fictional people I’d cast as hero and heroine looked at me with frustrated pity and said, ‘What if we tried this?’ In desperation, I agreed.”
“Writing the ending of On Dawn’s Shore was like saying goodbye to good friends.”
What it really means: “I hope you’ll feel like reading the ending of On Dawn’s Shore is like saying goodbye to good friends. I spent a lot of time working hard on that book. I wrote it, I went through the grief of ‘on deadline’, the isolation of ‘going dark’, and the outright torture of ‘writer’s block’ with it. Then, THEN, I rewrote it, edited it, and read it again for typos I was extremely unlikely to catch because by that stage my brain had the thing memorized and reading it again put me into a semi-conscious state. By the time I shoved my characters out my front door it was less like saying goodbye to good friends and more like saying goodbye to house guests who’d stayed so long I’d come to loathe them.”
“Asking me to pick a favorite book is like asking me to pick a favorite child!”
What it really means: “I may or may not have a favorite book. If I do have a favorite, I don’t want to tell you which book it is because then I’ll end up throwing all my other books under the bus.”
“I wrote 8K words today!”
Do you remember when you were in 6th grade and your English teacher asked you to write a 500 word essay? You were like, ‘What does THAT mean? How long is that in pages?!’ Then you laboriously counted off each word of your essay by pointing to it with your fingertip. ‘Rats! Just 458. I need 42 more.’ When you eventually hit 500, you pumped your fist and proclaimed the thing done.
What it really means: “When I say I wrote 8K words, I realize you’re probably thinking ‘What does THAT mean? How long is that in pages?!’ I’m not even sure how long that is in pages. However, I’m going to forge ahead and crow about it anyway, because my computer just not-so-laboriously counted off 8,000 words and – Woo hoo! – the number I hit has caused me to pump my fist and proclaim the thing done for the day. Now I can go shopping.”
“Look what just arrived!” [INSERT PICTURE OF A CARDBOARD BOX FULL OF COPIES OF ON DAWN’S SHORE HERE]
What it really means: “I can’t believe that the house guests who overstayed their welcome have returned in this miraculous, beautiful, awe-inspiring format! Look! It’s a REAL BOOK! I’m overcome. I’m proud. I’m grateful. The grief of ‘on deadline’, the isolation of ‘going dark’, and the outright torture of ‘writer’s block’ are all suddenly seeming worthwhile.”
“On Dawn’s Shore finaled in the [INSERT NAME OF WRITING CONTEST YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF HERE] Awards!”
What it really means: “I’m not someone who works in an office building around bosses or colleagues or underlings who give me feedback about the quality of my output. I work at home wearing yoga pants. Though I’m trying my best to produce high-quality work, the only hard data I have to show me how I’m doing are my book’s sales numbers. And sometimes, my book’s sales numbers are hugely disappointing. So even though I know this isn’t the Oscars, would you be so kind as to celebrate with me because my work was recognized in a positive way by a whole panel of someones and this news has brought a lot of joy to this yoga-pants-wearing introvert.”
“On Dawn’s Shore is #35 in [INSERT A BESTSELLER LIST ON AMAZON FOR AN OBSCURE CATEGORY OF BOOKS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF HERE]!” [INSERT SCREEN SHOT HERE]
What it really means: “My family and all my close friends bought copies today!” AND/OR “I lowered the price of On Dawn’s Shore to $1.99!” AND/OR “I’m giving my book away for free! But, look! At least it’s no longer a homeless street urchin.”
“I love coffee!”
What it really means: “I suspect that caffeine writes my books. If you took me out of the equation, my coffee could rattle off into the distance writing bestsellers all by itself. But if you took the coffee out of me: nada. It’s magic juice. It’s integral. It’s my muse and my secret and my treat. Because of that, I don’t care that it’s full of acid, browns my teeth, and gives me an irregular heartbeat. It’s magic juice, I tell you.”
Writers, do any of the above hit close to home for you? Readers, have you seen writers say these things? What other things do writers say that make you scratch your head?
Becky Wade
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Ha, ha, ha! Yes, and Amen to each and all of the above. Feeling the need to save this to explain to family and friends all (some of?) my authorly idiosyncrasies. Thanks, Becky! (Loved Her One and Only, by the way! 🙂 Thanks for sharing the Porters with us)
You’re welcome!
We really do have some authorly idiosyncrasies don’t we? I know my husband (the person who’s treated to my author quirks the most) is often wholly confused.
What does it mean when one writer says to another: this is a piece of brilliance!? It means you hit the nail on the head 13 times! Loved it!
Thanks, Deb! 🙂 Could you tell that I was grinning all the way through the writing of this one?
Becky, spot on! But don’t let the non-writers know what we really mean. That would be sort of like letting the lay person in on the formula for Coke.
Oops. Too late.
🙂
This is so funny and so true!! The magic juice and yoga pants are super true for me!
Jill, maybe we should let our coffee write a book entitled The Sisterhood of the Magic Juice and Yoga Pants?
I am an avid reader and until I started reading this blog, I had no idea how hard writing is! I’ve read about books being nominated for RITA (and other) awards, but never thought about this being one of the only ways authors get feedback, however it totally makes sense. I LOVED the first three Porter family books and am so excited to read Dru’s story!
Thanks, Elizabeth!
Before I attempted writing, I was an avid reader. And exactly like you, I had no idea how hard writing was. It looks so easy and effortless when done well!
I started my first manuscript and thought, “This is SO MUCH FUN! I love playing around, creating my own characters. I think I’ve written something excellent here. I might just become a famous author!”
I completed that manuscript, sent it off, and received rejection after rejection for four straight years. What I realized was that my first manuscript was easy to write because it STUNK. I didn’t know anything about the craft of writing and everyone who read that book could tell.
Writing a novel that’s good? That someone wants to publish or read?
That’s hard.
So true!!! Especially being “on deadline.” I said that about a thousand times this past year. And ditto to coffee . . . A friend recently gave up caffeine. She’s obviously not a writer 🙂
She’s obviously not! 🙂
I’ve probably pronounced myself ‘on deadline’ a thousand times, too. Thanks for stopping by!
Okay, this is one fabulous, right-on blog post. I would say more but I’m on deadline and my characters have overstayed their welcome and I sure would like to get them out the door. LOL!!
Becky, I have said it before and I will say it again, I really enjoy reading your newsletters and blog posts; they are so creative, and yes, I do hear authors reference most of the phrases listed above. It’s nice to know behind just a few words are thoughtfully constructed meanings. Bravo to anyone who can write books like yours!
That’s so kind of you, Rebecca. Thank you!
LOL!!!!!
Awesome post, Becky! Thanks for being our interpreter.
Anytime, my friend. Anytime.
Haha. Loved it.
Thanks, Angela!
Great interpretation – think I’ll give my hubs a copy of this post. BTW _ I read and plan to review Her One and Only – Like those you’ve written and I’ve read before – Just had to stay up and read it ’till I finished it. GREAT JOB – uh…are you ‘on deadline’ for the next one yet? I read them oh so much faster than they come out, don’t you know? I suppose I should spend that in-between-time on my own stories – sigh – call it ‘writer’s block’ when I find a Becky Wade story is released.
I’m laughing because yes, reading is a favorite way writer’s procrastinate. Then again, it’s ‘market research’ and it stocks our creative well and we were all readers first so it’s very sad to think that we’d become so busy writing that we no longer have time to read.
To answer your question, I am indeed on deadline for my next one. Thanks for asking! 🙂 If I could write more than one book a year without having to face ‘on deadline’, ‘going dark’, and ‘writer’s block’ then I’d consider it!
Love the homeless street urchin analogy. That’s my baby, begging for crumbs.
With its big, down-tipping, liquid eyes.
Becky, this was pure gold. Especially: “I planned for my story to go one way, but my characters have a mind of their own!” I laughed so hard I spilled my coffee down my t-shirt. Thanks for this : )
Glad to see you had your coffee in hand! Here’s hoping your shirt was of the disposable sort that pairs well with yoga pants. 😉
Yes, Yes, YES!
Thanks for coming by the blog, Miriam!
Haha! Becky, I will admit that some of these sayings have come up in conversation with fellow writers this week! Spot on! Especially the coffee thing, and yes the other day I did utter these words, “I would rather be doing housework!” (Gasp!)
Ha! There are definitely times when I have to talk myself out of the “fun” of sweeping or folding clothes. It goes something like, “Sit down and focus on this manuscript, Becky! But… but… there’s a whole pile of tempting, unfolded clothes right there….”
Becky, this was hilarious! I can relate to all of it!
Thanks, Lynn!
The writing process ones hit home for me. The rest I still have to look forward to.
Yay.
🙂 Thanks for visiting the blog, Johnathan!
Such a fun post, Becky.
I have another definition for the “I’m on deadline” phrase. Technically, a contracted writer is ALWAYS on deadline (the line just may be a good distance away), so even those of us who do plod along on schedule still have those daily/weekly goals to meet and if our plate suddenly seems too full, we can whip out the “I’m on deadline” excuse for why we can’t do one more interview or guest post or [insert whatever you are trying to avoid here]. I personally try to use this one very sparingly and only when my deadline is actually visible (a month or less away), but it can come in handy in a pinch. 🙂
I’m like you, Karen. I plod along on schedule all year with my weekly goals. Even so, those final two months (when I have a book releasing and a book due) always give me a run for my money.
And yes! I believe that the ‘I’m on deadline’ excuse is completely valid. So many things are out there, vying for a writer’s time and heart. The writing should come first, especially during those crunch times.
Perfect! Except for me, replace coffee with chocolate. And maybe bacon. I’m pretty sure food is responsible for my writing.
Hmmm. Time for a snack.
I’m laughing! I’m also giving the bacon and chocolate a hearty vote of agreement.
“By the time I shoved my characters out my front door it was less like saying goodbye to good friends and more like saying goodbye to house guests who’d stayed so long I’d come to loathe them.” Ha ha! I loved that.
Thanks, friend!
Super funny!!!
Thanks, Cynthia. 🙂
So much YES to this!!
Now I must go and see to my unwelcome house guests. You would think the least they could do is pick up after themselves. But no. I have to do everything.
Going for more magic juice. 🙂
Fun to see you here, Cathy!
Was literally laughing out loud when I read this post. I’ve heard almost every author say all of the above and appreciate you pulling back the curtain as to what they really mean. I’m currently reading “Her One and Only” and I must say if you needed to kick Gray Fowler out of your house, he’s more than welcome at mine :-).
Now it’s my turn to laugh out loud at your comment, Amy! Awesome. 🙂
Oh wow. For sure, for sure. You’ve defined writing gobblygook perfectly! May I add the classic reply to those who always ask the minute you announce you have a new book out, “So when’s the next one coming out?” I liken this to parents introducing photographs of their new baby who are met with “so when are you going to have another one?” Or, “What are you working on next?” as if we really care to share our personal sex life with the immediate world! Thanks for the great giggles this morning–I am on deadline to get past writer’s block so I’m going dark after I comment on this.
Ha ha ha! Since you’re ‘going dark’ you won’t be seeing my reply, but I do want you to know that I can relate to you about people asking, “When’s the next book coming out?” I’m flattered to be asked that question! At the same time, I always feel a bit sheepish about my, “around this time next year,” answer.
A reader can plow through a book it took us months/years to create in just a few hours. This is why we should be extra grateful for all the other hard working authors out there. Between us, we can stock any reader’s TBR pile. One our own, not so much.
Thanks for your insight. I’m a reader, not a writer, so I loved reading these and yes, I do believe I’ve read everyone at some time or the other!
I’m not surprised, Gail! I follow lots of writers on social media, and I’ve seen all of these, too. 🙂
So glad I came upon this post today, Becky–what fun, and loaded with truth!
My personal favorite use of the “on deadline” excuse is to avoid getting drafted to serve on church committees.
As for “going dark,” I’m too worried about missing something important, so the closest I come to staying offline is Sundays, when I rarely turn on my computer. (Although I will do quick checks of email on my phone or iPad.)
“As for “going dark,” I’m too worried about missing something important” Me, too, Myra! I never ‘go dark’. On the contrary, I need the interaction to get me through my most stressful seasons.
100% this! Haha!!!
😉 Thanks, Amy!
This is awesome! And so eeriely true.
We all follow a slightly different writing process, but it’s wonderful to me how much we writers have in common.
HAHAHA! Becky, this is amazing and spot on. The only thing I’d add:
“I’m ‘researching.'” By which I generally mean, I am watching Gilmore Girls or YouTubing NEEDTOBREATHE videos or reading someone else’s amazing book or doing completely nonsensical things like trying on old prom dresses or jumping on the bed or painting my nails and then wiping them off and then painting them another color…I mean, I write about contemporary life so basically anything I do should count as research, right?
YESSSSS! Researching. AKA, going on a trip that is tax-deductible because I set a scene in Jamaica.
this post is so awesome.
“…or doing completely nonsensical things like trying on old prom dresses or jumping on the bed or painting my nails and then wiping them off and then painting them another color” LOL! Yes. Totally. Nonsensical things. Love this.
You nailed it! Gave me a good chuckle. Thanks! Just hit send on final edits, so going shopping. 🙂
Enjoy your shopping, Sunni! You’ve earned it.
This is awesome! At the risk of presuming upon such authorly celebration (and misery), may I say that many of these also apply to editors as we work on your masterpieces? Deadline…word count…coffee…crowing about our authors’ books and accomplishments (which hopefully also reflect *our* accomplishments)… coffee…deadline…
Did I say deadline? Going dark now. Thanks for the laughs. 🙂
I can definitely see how there would be much overlap between what writers go through and what editors go through. It’s comforting to know you’re there, coffee at your elbow, suffering and working and rejoicing and counting those words alongside us.
Toooo funny. I. LOVED. This! You are so clever Miss Becky! Thanks for the giggle!
Thanks, Karen!
These are pretty funny. Since I follow quite a few authors on Facebook and blogs, I’ve heard all of these. I’m quite glad you persevere with your writing. I spent almost my whole day today finishing Her One and Only, after beginning it late last night. I actually sighed when I finished. There were several times during my reading when I found myself thinking, “Becky, you better not let anything happen to those babies!” I am somewhat sad that the Porter family books are completed. If you ever need an idea for a novella, it would be fun to read Ashley’s love story. I’m curious about the man who would see all her good qualities and love her. She was such a fun character.
Thank you so much, Pam, for reading my Porter books. I’m amazed that you finished Her One and Only in 24 hours. That’s my longest book to date. [Prepare thyself because I’m now going to drop the book’s word count, even though it won’t mean anything to you] It’s 120K words long! 🙂
“I am somewhat sad that the Porter family books are completed. If you ever need an idea for a novella, it would be fun to read Ashley’s love story.”
I always feel sad when I finish a series, too. I’m invested by that time! I feel like the family is MY family.
Thanks for sharing your idea for a novella about Ashley! I always love hearing reader’s suggestions. It was because of reader suggestions that I ended up writing The Proposal, my short story about Amber and Will.
I loved this Becky!! I feel like I am in the know now. I will keep your guide for future reference. 🙂
Thanks for making me smile today!
Becky
Yep, now you’re ‘in the know’! 😉
Amen and amen and amen x 10! And BTW, I am on deadline, am going dark tomorrow, and have no idea where my characters may take me tomorrow.
I’m laughing! Well, Janet. At least you’re not alone.
I think that coffee comment might be completely and totally accurate. In th first five years after my youngest son was born, I completed 5 novels. In the years since I have been forced to switch to decaf coffee, I’ve not finished a single thing….
Ah ha! Scientific proof!
Of course… it could be that it was that youngest son that did you in. Not the decaf. 😉 Nah. It was probably the decaf.
I love this so much, Becky! LOL! It’s so hilarious because it’s so true!!! Just substitute “napping” for “shopping” and it’s me. Ha!
I have to fight the urge to nap every day around 2, Melanie! That’s usually when I reach for even MORE coffee.
I say “I’m on a deadline,” which I now realize is no more grammatically correct. I also say things like “that thingy” and “I can’t English.” What can I say? I use all the good words when I’m writing. After 7pm, I’m shot.
Great post!
Thanks, Elizabeth! And kudos to you for resisting peer pressure and saying, “I’m on A deadline.” 🙂
I can feel the stress from the blog! To quote “…getter done.” Break a book ,(instead of a leg) Best wishes on millions of sales!