Nowadays we’ve become a fast-paced culture. We rush to work. We run through the drive-through for fast food. We race from one activity to the next. And we hardly stop to breathe.
Unfortunately with such a fast pace, we’ve become an impatient culture. We want everything to happen right away. We want overnight shipping. We want instant video streaming. And we demand the highest speed internet.
Can it also be said that we also expect that love should come quickly and easily? Do too many of us who’ve been born and bred in this fast-paced world think love-at-first-sight is the new norm?
As a romance writer, I think at times romance novels can inadvertently promote the love-at-first-sight craze as well. That’s one reason why I appreciate the feedback from my editors who are constantly reminding me to slow down the romance development in my novels and let the relationship simmer over time to make it richer.
Perhaps it’s time for us to evaluate some of the reasons why love at first sight can be a dangerous thing:
1. We don’t have time to test character. When we rush into a relationship, we may not take the time to really get to know the person, especially their inner qualities. It’s easy for anyone to put up a facade for a short while, but it’s only after time and trials that a person’s true colors shine through. If we don’t take the time to test another’s character, we may get into difficult or even dangerous situations.
2. We get caught up in feelings. Everyone enjoys the physical rush of a new relationship. And it’s all too easy to get caught up in those tingling wonderful emotions and let them dictate our actions instead of operating with sound logic and thinking. That magical quality of attraction, while nice, can lead to rash and sometimes foolish decisions.
3. We neglect a solid foundation of friendship. When a couple jumps into a relationship based on feelings and physical attraction, that often comes at the detriment of forming a friendship first. Without a friendship acting as glue, we’re left with a shallow relationship when the feelings and physical attraction fades.
4. We let infatuation dictate our commonalities. It’s all too easy to put aside our own dreams and values during our giddy in-love phase. But when the reality of life takes over, we don’t want to find ourselves with someone who doesn’t respect our desires or values or someone who doesn’t enjoy the same activities that we do.
5. We overlook potential problems. Every couple will have challenges at some point, disagreements, conflicts that need addressing. But when we fall fast and furiously in love, we’re more prone to overlook problems, to minimize differences, or to make excuses for behavior. We gloss over issues or let them pile up until eventually they seem insurmountable.
6. We have a false euphoria. The love-at-first-sight mentality makes us think our relationship is special and different than others. That then leads us to believe that our love is invincible, that it’s meant to be, and that it will last forever without much effort. Such euphoria ignores the hard work that it takes to make a relationship last for the long haul.
What about YOU? What’s YOUR advice for someone who says they’ve fallen in love at first sight?
Jody Hedlund
Latest posts by Jody Hedlund (see all)
- Saying Farewell - October 7, 2022
- Another New Book Release - September 16, 2022
- The Beauty of Weddings - September 2, 2022
Hi Jody – yes, yes and yes! I really struggle with novels where the hero and heroine ‘fall in love’ after a week or so of knowing each other – with the story concluding with their marriage. Sure, this can happen in real life, with some such relationships lasting for decades, but I don’t think it’s the norm (or too wise).
I really think the love that lasts decades is proved in the grit of life’s challenges, based on the choice to love, not the feeling of being ‘in love’, and which usually requires more time than ‘love at first sight’ allows.
My advice for someone who thinks they’ve fallen in love at first sight? Hold off on the physical until you have the chance to really know them – because that’s a slippery slope that is hard to return from, should you discover that person is not who your hormones made you initially believe.
Thanks for a great post!
Great post, Jody. I’ve had the same editorial comments about my stories, and it’s something I’ve really been working on. It’s a challenge to write a fast-paced novel without also creating a compressed romance timeline, but as a mom with a young adult daughter, I’m very conscious of the need to portray falling in love as a process, not an instantaneous event. And I loved what you said about friendship. Without that bond between a couple, there is nothing to sustain the relationship after the flash of newness wears off.
Great reminder.
Mmm, yes, excellent reminder.
It’s hard for me to enjoy a book when the hero and heroine fall hard and fast for each other without any real foundation; seems like a temporary “love” that could happen to anyone any number of times, not anything special to this couple, and certainly no grounds for anything substantial to enjoy watching develop. It even starts to boarder on creepy when it’s all about the initial infatuation — being obsessed with another person like that isn’t even healthy, not to mention not sustainable in the long-haul and over difficult life situations that most certainly will arise.
I’m so glad to hear that authors like you are aware of the issue with that kind of falling “in love” in nothing flat. Makes it a lot more clear why I enjoy your books; you’re doing the hard work of investing in your story on another level, instead of wrapping up at the basic attraction stage. Thanks for doing that! Your readers really appreciate you, whether they can pin down the reason or not. 🙂
What a great post! I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. Yes, you can get the tinglies and the emotional high immediately when you meet a person. It may even turn into a true love and last forever. But what a roll of the dice if you believe it and act on it in those initial stages. Take the time to KNOW a person’s character. That’s so much more important than a great kiss! And I LOVE a great kiss.
Fabulous reasons. After a painful divorce I said I wouldn’t date again until God send a man to my doorstep. After 3 years, he rang my doorbell and asked if I wanted to go to dinner. After a whirl wind romance (3 months) we got married, because God had sent him to my door. I now caution all to be patient and wait at least one full year. Holiday celebrations/traditions run deep. Go through all the seasons of the year and all of the holidays. My man-from-God and I are still married, 23 years, but sometimes I look up to God and think He has a real sense of humor. Be careful what you pray for! You might just get it.
Yes absolutely you are talking right but i want to identify one important thing here , Love is reality of the human being in the life but some one didn’t know what is love .love a part of our culture in our religion . Love is doing anyone everywhere but some people have not knowledge about real way of the love in life. please sustain the happiness and love in the life and make more friends and impress him from our character and attitude.
my vision & mission is love and happiness .
Date someone through all 4 seasons; watch closely how he speaks (does he exaggerate, say he’ll do something & the doesn’t follow through…) how does he treat his mother, and others, such as servers in a restaurant…how does he handle disappointment, sorrow, blessings from the Lord? Is his car/apartment a mess? What are his views on money and children? Can he/does he hold down a job? What are his expectations for household chores? I can think of many other questions…
Thank you so much for this blog post! It’s so inspirational and I can’t wait to share it with my friends.
ok