While October is one of my favorite months of the year, it is also a month of reflection and fond, but sad, remembrance.
One of many first-day-of-school photos.
I’m the oldest of the five Teeter children, and growing up on a farm eight miles from our town, my favorite playmates (because they were my only playmates!) were my brother and three sisters. To this day, we remain dearest of friends.
Kim swings in the arbor at the farmhouse where we all grew up.
I think we are closer than many siblings, and that fact is a slender silver lining in the clouds of two October tragedies.
A week from today will mark 35 years since my sister Kim was killed in a car accident at the age of 21, just three months after her wedding day.
With my mom and sisters and Kris (in blue jeans) about a year before Kris passed away.
This past October 5 also marked the fifth anniversary of my sweet sister-in-law Kris’s death. For five years my brother’s wife waged a courageous and faith-filled battle against cancer. One of the last gifts Kris gave my brother—and our family—was planning Brad’s surprise 50th birthday party. She died at 47, a month before her youngest daughter’s wedding, and 2 months before her fifth grandchild was born.
Because my brother and sisters and I have seen first-hand that sibling relationships are not necessarily forever (at least not on this earth) I think we wisely treasure and nurture the ties that bind us together. Recently, we’ve been blessed to all live in the same town—the first time we’ve all lived so close in our adult lives. And God has restored joy to our lives in two very special people—Tammye and Sharon.
Al and Tammye, left, joined our family for a trip to see the wild mustangs in Teterville, KS.
Tammye married Al, the man my sister Kim had wed on her 21st birthday. Tammye embraced our family in a way not everyone in her position would have. We love her like a sister, and she quickly calmed one of our biggest fears after Kim’s death—that we would lose touch with the brother-in-law we all loved deeply. Now we love Al and Tammye together and count them among our blessings (along with their four sons and their growing families, including grandchildren!)
Three and a half years ago, my brother met Sharon, and they quickly knew God had brought them together. Sharon became Brad’s wife a few months later, bringing fun and love and so much laughter into our lives once again. Sharon honors Kris’s life and legacy so beautifully and has fit into our family in such a precious way.
It was Brad and Sharon’s turn to host our quarterly sibling gathering last weekend. Sharon served delicious Indian food and Brad built a bonfire for after-dinner conversation.
Brothers and sisters—no matter how bratty or annoying they were when you shared a house with them (or worse, a bedroom!)—can be one of life’s greatest gifts. I hope my own children never take this fact for granted, and that they enjoy each other’s friendship long after Ken and I move to a heavenly address. So far, our four kids—despite living far from each other—are off to a great start.
If you have siblings, do you keep in touch? How do you honor the unique relationship brothers and sisters share?
Our kids about 10 years ago when our oldest made a surprise visit home from Seattle.
Our four kids hanging out in the hotel the day of our youngest son’s wedding six years ago. (We also celebrated a grandson’s first birthday that weekend—two much happier October anniversaries).
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Next to my husband, my sister is my very dearest friend, so I can understand your bond with your siblings. There is not a day that goes by that we are not calling or texting each other. I don’t have kids of my own, so I have always spoiled her four kids like my own, and I am closer to them than most aunts are with their nieces and nephews. I’m so grateful for the relationship my sister and I have.
Sounds like you are very blessed, Velma, but it also sounds like your nieces and nephews are very blessed to have an aunt like you as well. Thanks so much for sharing.
My sister and I haven’t been the closest growing up. We are two completely different people and neither one of us has been as compassionate towards the other like we should. But God is working on us both. He is working through some things in my life that has helped build the wall. So all that to say, our relationship is improving! I look forward to the day I can call my sister my best friend 🙂
Catherine, it’s wonderful that your relationship is growing and improving! I think sometimes siblings grow apart when they are involved raising their own families, but we’ve discovered that as our nests have emptied, we’ve grown even closer than we were before (and it helps that we all live in the same town now). I’m praying the walls will continue to come down and that you and your sister will end up with a very precious relationship.
I think it’s incredibly sweet that Al and Tammye are part of your family. Too many families drift apart after a loss like that.
I am also the eldest of 5. I am incredibly close with one but only in occasional contact with the others. That being said, our connection as siblings is still strong and I know any of us would drop anything for the others.
That’s a great testimony that you can say that even though you’re not especially close with all your siblings, when the chips are down, you’d be there for each other. That’s wonderful! Thank you for sharing!
My brother and I are together all the time. We work in the family business along with our dad. My sister lives in California. I haven’t seen her in years. We share sporadic emails.
It’s wonderful that you get to work with your brother…and that you think it’s a good thing! 😉 I hope you’ll get to see your sister soon. Two of Ken’s siblings live in California and we don’t get to see them nearly often enough, but when we do get together we have SUCH fun and make memories that carry us until the next visit.
I was the oldest of two, Deb. My younger brother and I are close but not
in distance. He’s in Michigan and we’re in Florida. We have great memories,
and we enjoy their visits when they come to the sunshine state. Steve came
from a large family and a Thanksgiving dinner would mean forty aunts, uncles
and cousins. It was great, and we all keep in touch. Our three children are close,
although two are over-seas; we SKYPE, email, and have phone calls often.
What a blessing to know when we share Christ with our children, and raise
them in His word, and with love, we reap those benefits forever.
So true, Diane! And what would we do without Skype!? Since our kids all live far away, and only our daughters live near each other, we depend on Skype and e-mail and our family Facebook group to stay in touch. My heart goes out to families a hundred and fifty years ago who never knew if they’d see the loved one again as they waved goodbye to the wagon train across the prairie! I would have been a basket case if I’d been a mama back then!
Another interesting tie that binds us! October is my month of memories since my husband died Nov. 3rd. He had brain surgery on Oct 16th (my youngest son’s third birthday) so several October dates carry added poignancy. I’m closer to my sister than my brother – a long story. But often told my boys they were the best friends they’d ever have. Figured if I kept speaking it over them, it might become truth.
Oh, Susan. I’d forgotten that autumn was your time of sad memories. Fall is such a poignant time anyway with the leaves dying and the plants and flowers fading. And yet, I think it’s no accident that God designed that season of dying to be one of the most beautiful of all! I love that you’ve spoken friendship over your sons. I did so, but mine was more a threat when our at-home kids were at each others’ throats. I can hear myself now: “I don’t know why we even prayed so hard for brothers and sisters if all you’re going to do is fight!” LOL! I should have known from my own experience (my sisters and I had some knock-down drag-outs when we were all at home and sharing a bedroom!) that leaving home gave us a whole new wonderful perspective on sisterhood. 🙂
I am an only child (not by my parents choice) so I had six children so my children had brothers & sisters. They are all in or near their fifties now and they do things together and enjoy each others company. I have been very Blessed.
Maureen, how wonderful that you were blessed with six children! I always wanted a dozen! (Well, at least until I had four…then that SEEMED like a dozen! LOL!) You reminded me of something my sisters and I were just talking about last time we were together. We remembered planning a sister event and not including our mother like we sometimes did. When we asked her later if she minded, she said, “Not at all! I love knowing that you kids enjoy each others’ company even when your dad and I aren’t around.” I think some siblings stop getting together after their parents are gone, and so I feel just like my mom. I LOVE hearing that my kids have spent time together even if we aren’t always able—or invited—to join in.
If I can see between the tears in my eyes, i want to let you know how touched I am by what you wrote about your siblings… It was so touching and such a blessing.I am the youngest of ten – five boys and five girls. Four of my brothers have gone on to be with the Lord, so that leaves all five girls and one brother. I moved home, to northeast Louisiana, after 25 years in Minnesota, so I could spend more time with the family. We get together as often as possible, for birthdays and just because we want to! Four of the sisters live within a few miles of each other and actually attend the same church! We have a very large extended family, well over 200, so the WHOLE family doesn’t get together very often, but the siblings do and we have a great time. I’m 68 and my oldest sister is almost 88, so we really do try to treasure each day…
Thanks again for sharing your precious story with us.
Barbara, what a blessing, and what an amazing family! And over 200!! And we thought the 40+ of us when we’re all together with kids and grandkids was something! Wow! I love what you said about getting together “just because we want to!” That’s how my family has felt. I think it’s rare, and a real blessing when families WANT to spend time together. But there’s probably something to be said for getting together out of obligation because you ARE family, too, and I admire families who do that, too. Thank YOU for sharing your story!
October is hard for me, too, Deb. Our Lori went home to Jesus on October 22. 1985. So many years ago, but it could have been yesterday. I think memories become clearer and more precious as time passes. Love seeing the pics of you and your siblings so enjoying one another. That’s a gift!!
Julane, October 22 is our oldest son’s birthday. I’ll think of you now whenever that date comes around. (My sister died on Oct. 20, and our family still gathered to celebrate Tarl’s third birthday the way we always did since we only wanted to be together anyway during that sad time.) You are so right about memories becoming more clear and precious with the passing of time. I think, too, that the closer I get to Heaven, the better my perspective is about life and death. One of the gifts of age. 🙂 Thank you for sharing about Lori. I almost feel as if I knew your girls and I can’t wait to meet them some glorious day!
I envy your closeness with all your siblings. I only have a brother and he’s 5 years younger than I am. We don’t have a lot in common and perceived things that happened to us growing up much differently. We live less than 10 miles from each other but rarely cross paths.
I’m so sorry that’s the case, Gail. It is interesting how siblings perceive things differently. My brother and sisters and I have talked about that, and it’s true in our family, too. Not necessarily in a bad way, but there are 8 years between oldest and youngest, and I know with my own kids, our life was very different between our first and our last 14 years later! I hope that time might mellow things and that you and your brother may yet grow closer.
What a sweet, sweet post Deb. I am so very sorry about those two tragedies your family experienced, but love how God worked and brought happiness into hurting lives and hearts.
I am “the baby” of 3 girls, and LOVE my sisters! 🙂 They are only a few years apart, and then there’s a big gap before I was born (Mama always assured me I was planned, LOL). Now that we’re of a mature age (I refuse to say “seniors” hehe) it’s as if we’re all the same age. This past weekend we all attended the Georgia Tech football game together and had a wonderful time. (Our Daddy was a GT grad and now 2 of my kiddos are at GT) ~ I thank the Lord everyday for my family—especially my precious kiddos AND my sisters! 🙂
Hugs, Patti Jo
p.s. Enjoyed those photos you shared too.
I, too, noticed that even though there was an 8-year gap between me and our youngest sister, once we became adults, it was like we were peers. In fact, even though I’m the oldest, my baby brother beat me to having grandkids, and my youngest sister has grandkids about the same ages as mine.
That GT football retreat sounds like a blast! So glad you got to do that, Patti Jo!
That was so sweet; the way you shared your family. You shared joys and sorrows alike which really makes you just like the rest of us; not just someone living in a perfect world. (Yes, I know that is in the life to come and not in this one.) I only had one half brother who was over 12 years older than me. The sad thing was that my brother was totally opposed to even listening to the Gospel. His death hit me extremely hard. He passed away 6 months before my husband went to glory. Thank you for sharing your wonderful family.
How very hard to lose your husband and your brother in such a short time span! I’m so sorry. I’m sure that was a very difficult time. And how very grateful I am for that perfect world to come. Meanwhile, oh, my yes, I’m just like “the rest of you”… goodness, I’m ONE of you. Imperfect, in need of a Savior, and longing for Heaven when all our tears will be wiped away and happy reunions will be the order of the day!
Deb, it is a sad memory when I recall Diane Soeken calling me in California to tell me about Kim. What a blessing that her husband has stayed connected to your family! Last spring, my sister Gaila and my brother, Don came to Florida to visit. It was the first time, as adults, that just the three of us were able to hang out together for an entire week without death, divorce, cancer and other ugly life events that tend to draw siblings together. We had matching golf shirts made and I put a sign in my yard that said “Sibling-cation”. It was a special time and we hope to do it again, sooner than later.
Oh, Nancy! I love that you and Don and Gaila got to hang out just for fun! We’ve said that the only good thing about funerals is that they DO tend to bring family together, and we have great memories of reconnecting with long-lost cousins at our grandparents’ funerals. But we shouldn’t wait for events like that to get together! So glad you didn’t!
So sorry for your loss. I lost my little sister to cancer about 7 years ago. We were very close, and I miss her every day.
Thank you, Pat. And I’m so sorry you lost your sister. It’s a hard thing to bear, but I love this quote:
“If no person’s life were significant enough to cause weeping and if the measure of our years on earth were nothing, then we would not be real human beings. Profound grief is preceded by deep love which gives life meaning.” ~Roberta Beckman
I loved your story about your siblings and their families!! I know one of your siblings well and she is one of the sweetest people I know! She and Jeff are dear friends and we are truly blessed to have had them in our community and church! I attended a Sunday class with Vicky and loved it. I too come from a loving caring family. I have two brothers and two sisters. We are all very close and love to spend time together. May God bless you, your siblings and families.
Thank you for your sweet comments, Nancy. Fun to meet someone else from a family of five kids. And you are so right about Vicky. They don’t come much sweeter!
Your post is so sweet, I enjoyed reading about your family. I’m so sorry for the losses that your family has endured. But, it sounds like your family is very close, and that can be so helpful in getting thru the hard times.
May God bless you and your family!
Thank you, Melissa. I think most families have suffered deep loss. If not in the form of death, then through illness or divorce, or wayward children. It just seems to be the human condition. And you are so right that being close as a family makes all the difference in weathering the storms of life. Thanks again for your comment.
What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing. I have only one sister, and lately we see eachother more often. 🙂
Thanks, Anna! And it’s wonderful that you’re seeing more of your sister recently!
Awwww! I love you, Tarl and Trey and Tavia!
That’s what a mama likes to hear. 🙂
I have one brother and one sister. My sister and I are close and we are just now getting back our relationship with our brother who was released after serving 25 years in prison. My husband Rex had nine siblings. He was number 8. Now the only ones remaining are one older brother, and a younger brother and sister. When all were alive, we’d have spontaneous visits. If the ones from Rhode Island were headed to Arkansas for a visit, all the others came too from Iowa, Texas, and New Mexico. What fun we had then with lots of pictures we now treasure.
Martha, I remember hearing your story years ago. So glad you are restoring your relationship with your brother. And you are so right about treasuring those photos. I’m learning to take LOTS of pictures when we are together! Blessings!
Deb, I am a “second” wife — marrying my husband after he lost his first wife in a car accident. One of the greatest blessings is not only love and acceptance by his family, but love and acceptance from his late wife’s family! I’ve been thoroughly sucked in and it’s wonderful.
Sometime our bonds with family are because we are biologically related, and sometimes you choose your family. Sometimes you do choose to love your biological family, too! But the choices we make to be open and loving, and realizing that there is room in a heart for everyone, can make all the difference.
And yes, there is a novel in there somewhere! 🙂
Hugs!
So true, Becky! And what a wonderful testimony that you’ve been embraced by both families! And why don’t you write that novel?! 🙂