My husband and I went out for an impromptu breakfast the other day and he asked me, “Aren’t you going to take a picture?” (Meaning, for Facebook…) I said, “No, let’s just let this one be for us. For you and me.” But it caused me to wonder: has my life been reduced to a post-a-day on Facebook?
I hope not! We all know that Facebook isn’t exactly “real.” Most of us put our best foot forward on social media. We post about the best of our lives, and sometimes we intentionally make even the best of our lives look better than it actually is. I’m as guilty as anyone.
But I’m trying to be intentionally more transparent and real on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and GooglePlus, and…and…and… No, you won’t find me posting about the latest fight with my hubby. (You’d think we’d have things all worked out after forty years, but no, we do still have fights.) I probably won’t be posting a photo of me sans makeup any time soon. (That just wouldn’t be pleasant for anyone involved.) And I promise I won’t post one of those annoying, ambiguous, cry-for-attention posts either. You know the ones: “Feeling sad and depressed today for reasons I can’t go into, but believe me the details would curl your toes and possibly make you call the cops.”
Yet, for all its faults, I’ve also noticed that social media causes me to find new appreciation for the little things in life, and to realize that other people are all about the little things too. One of my most popular Facebook posts ever, was when I posted photos of some pretty cardboard tissue boxes I’d discovered at Aldi’s, our local bargain grocery. There was a bond formed that morning, seeing how many other people actually care whether their Kleenex box matches their decor…and how passionately they care! LOL! But you know what I mean… There IS pleasure in the little things in life, and I think my attitude of gratitude has grown simply from thinking more intentionally about the “instagram” snippets of life.
Some people aren’t aware that authors are asked (some would call it required) by our publishers to have a strong presence on Facebook and other social media. It is, after all, a great way to get news about your books in front of readers. And more importantly to me, it’s a wonderful way to connect with some of my readers. And that’s why I actually love social media…Facebook and Instagram especially. It’s a joy to get to see pictures of my friends’ kids and grandkids (not to mention my own!) It’s great to learn that our faraway friends just bought a new house, or to see pictures of the latest DIY project my niece is working on. It’s wonderful to get updates on a cousin’s sick baby, or a childhood friend’s aging parents. I love hearing the story behind the story of my favorite authors’ newest books. And I’m often blessed by a Scripture verse or worship song a friend posted…words that sometimes seem like they were posted just for me.
What about you? Is social media a bane or a blessing to you? How can people be real—without being obnoxious—where social media is concerned?
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I just got on Facebook 3 weeks ago. Already I have had chance to share the gospel on chat with someone. I located my long lost nephew because of Facebook. For this reason I love it. You have to be careful however because you can end up spending vast amounts of time on Facebook while dust bunnies come to life around you.
I try to limit my friends list to family or relatives. I don’t care for my post going out to the public or even friends of friends. I think Facebook can be a very good thing. It helps you to keep up with people you have lost track of. They once again become part of your life. It’s better than never hearing from them at all. Because of Facebook I’ve gotten closer to my granddaughter. We spent a lovely Saturday at the flea market and I got to really spoil my great granddaughter big time.
Shirley
That’s wonderful, Shirley, and I couldn’t agree more about social media being a great way to keep up with our grandkids. I think that will only become more true as time goes on.
Dear Deborah, I have loved your Facebook posts (especially the decor & family ones) & you’re so right ~ I feel like I know you, best foot forward & all. I think if we ever have the opportunity to meet (I hope, I hope, I hope) we’ll be instant friends because there’s been this wonderful sharing of thoughts, feelings & ideas…& of course I’m such a fan or your writing. I’m reading ‘Home to Chicory Lane’ & wondering if any of the happenings in the book were inspired by actual events in the Raney household.
Keep keeping us posted on Facebook (I haven’t explored Instagram yet & have a Twitter account but rarely use it). I personally think it’s the best thing since sliced bread to reach people ~ I get pictures & stay connected with faraway family & friends, give my opinion on a variety of topics both spiritual & political, & have reconnected with old friends I knew as far back as grade school. Take care & God Bless, my Facebook friend Deborah!
I agree, Brenda! I’ve how well you can get to know someone online. And then if you ever get to meet a Facebook friend in person, it’s like you got a jumpstart on the friendship! I hope we get to prove that!
P. S. I’m trying my best to NOT make the Chicory Inn Novels too much like my own family, but that’s not always working out like I plan.
I love this post and agree with it 100%. (Of course I love Deb, too!!) It’s seem as if there is so little “original content” on FB these days. Just re-posts of other articles or Pinterest pins. No, we don’t have to share the “ugly” parts of our lives, but the “real” parts…those are the most interesting posts I find.
Thanks for speaking about this, Deb!! And to you, Nancy, for posting it!
Well, Roxy, I must say you are one of my favorite Facebook friends! I love the things you post and think you strike that perfect balance If being real but not TOO real. Thanks for the encouraging post!
Love your post, Deb, and echo your sentiments. Social media is a definite blessing! I love staying in touch with folks even during the extremely busy spells (like recent weeks) when I haven’t had the time to post much. I still love hopping on for a minute or two and liking others’ posts and keeping up with their lives. That said, I’d take sitting across the table from a friend with a cup of coffee and chatting for the morning. But so often that’s simply not feasible. Unless it’s cyber coffee and an emoticon hug, which I’ll never turn away! Blessings on your week.
I agree, Tammy, would much rather have that cup of coffee across a real table from you. But since we don’t get that opportunity very often, I’m glad we have Facebook and email and Skype to fill in the gaps! Love you, dear friend.
funny thing, until recently, I felt a compulsion to explain to people why I’m on Facebook so much, and to justify myself. [‘nother story, ‘nother time] In reading your post, in those “twilight” moments of “crystal realizations” I, uh, realized that my circle of live friends has grown, not unlike my circle of cyber friends. I, too, am transparent [with certain parameters] and what occurs to me, is that as I gained love and acceptance on line, so too, I am feeling the love and acceptance with those around me in the flesh. one feeds the other, but at 56 years of age [in 3 days] I finally feel comfortable in who I am and what I do.
and ps, your office is SO lovely!!! thanks for a great post!!
That’s really cool! And I must say I’m glad I have the excuse of “my publishers WANT me on Facebook. ”
I enjoy reading Facebook posts most of the time. I love that it is a quick and easy way for me to know where my family is and what they are doing. I have one daughter who travels for her job and she shares pictures of her travels. While we try to attend all of our grandchildren’s programs it is not always doable so I love the posts of their programs. I think though I enjoy the blogs that my daughter and my nieces keep of the day to day life of their little families.
I am SO encouraged by what I see on the blogs of today’s young families just starting out. Gives me true hope for the future of our nation!!
I’m a big Facebook fan. I understand why people complain about it, but I think the experience depends on what you post and the friends you keep. I often block my drama infested friends. The line of communication is still open, but I don’t have to constantly see the things that brings me down. I love connecting with friends and family though.
My rule of thumb for being real and staying private is that I’ll share anything (without going into great detail) IF it will help, encourage, or edify someone else. I’ll share openly about myself, my struggles, and even my sin. BUT I never post complaints. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Besides, sharing your complaints online is a breeding ground for bitterness, and the Word says to think on what is good. The best way to do that is by not ranting, publicly or privately.
I have the same desires that you have about wanting to appear real. As a new author, I was developing my website last summer and spent time filling out the “About Me” page. I hate those. I really do. I don’t mind reading about someone else; I just don’t think I’m so special and hate feeling like I’m bragging on myself. Anyways, I decided that I would shake things up a bit and after showing real pictures and facts about my life, I took the time to show them the “not so perfect” side. The side of me that, although I’m known for my baking skills, can still burn a pan of dinner rolls. The side of me kills flowers instead of growing them. The side of me that neglected to dust the ceiling fan. And yes, I went bold and used pictures! But it felt really good to share all of me. I didn’t want anyone to compare themselves to me and find that they are coming up short.
Your idea for the “about me” section! I am traveling right now, but can’t wait to go check that out. Clever idea, and very brave!
Thank you! There is a neat story behind the “not so perfect me” section. As I was filling in my “good” side, I couldn’t help feeling sick. That’s when I decided to show off my “bad” side along with my good. I felt really good about doing it too. I quickly snapped pictures, uploaded them, typed up a nice message and everything. Then BAM! The website crashed and I lost it all. I KNEW this was meant to encourage someone and it became clear that the enemy didn’t want it done. So, I did it again. Lol Then the craziest thing happened. After I published it, I walked away and began to doubt myself. All of a sudden I started fearing what other people would say or think about me. I actually considered taking it down!! I posted it so people wouldn’t think that I was perfect and then I started to fear that people would see me as less than perfect. Lol It took me a few moments to catch on and to see the devil’s handy work. It was one of those moments where you have to stop and say, “Get behind me, Satan. You don’t want the things of God.” I never thought twice about it again.
Here’s the link to the page: http://authoramheath.wix.com/amheath#!about-me/c5tz
I thought I’d already replied to this, but it’s not showing up! Just wanted to say that I could SO relate to this: “I posted it so people wouldn’t think that I was perfect and then I started to fear that people would see me as less than perfect.” Isn’t that the truth!? I love an “about me” that’s full of humor and honesty. Thanks for sharing!
Oh! I just realized you posted this new today. I DID reply to your original post. Thanks for sharing…TWICE! 🙂
🙂 You’re very welcome!
I had to laugh about the tissue box post. It made me think of being in the grocery store last Friday with my color-blind hubby. We usually are getting things in two different parts of the grocery store and meet up at some point. I found him in the tissue aisle faithfully following my list that said we needed a box of tissues. He knows I’m particular about the color of things since I recently made him put back a bottle of blue dish detergent so I could get the purple bottle that matches our decor better. Bless his heart, when I walked up I could tell he was struggling but didn’t really want me to see the struggle. As I approached, he grabbed the grey box and put it in the basket. That was fine with me, and I wasn’t about to even look at which one I would have chosen instead. He tries SO hard! 🙂
I love that, Kathleen! And I just bought a bottle of dish soap that was pale aqua…perfect color for my decor. Even though I like another brand better, I’m all about how it looks…who cares if it gets the dishes clean, right? 😉
I have to admit that a large percentage of the reason behind my commenting is because I want to see my name scripted in that pretty font.
I’m kidding.
Not really.
But in all seriousness, I very much enjoyed your post. I’ve never read your blog, but a friend shared it on Facebook, and voila! Here I am with my cup of tea and understanding. As a college student who is far from technologically inclined, it’s difficult to follow along with my friends who are snapping, tweeting, kicking, tapping, and whatnot, but it’s nice to connect with faraway friends and family whom I can’t visit without driving several hundred miles in my car that does not exist. Plus social media does wonders for my blog.
I look forward to poking around and reading more here 🙂
LOL! I did the exact same thing, Cait, when we first started this blog. And I admit, it never gets old seeing that font. It’s beautiful!
But I’m so glad you discovered our blog, and I hope you’ll keep reading here. Great to hear from you!
Hello Deborah….gosh I feel bonded to you already just from seeing that door in your picture! I have the same front door only painted white…..after years of it being stained, two summers ago I up and impromptu painted it white and I’m patiently waiting for my carpenter son to finish a new door for me that has been put on the back burner many times! My house is terra cotta brick so I can only do white (I think), but I love your color. Anyhow, I love your post and completely agree with you…….I spend too much time on FB I know, but I have found a lot of very nice prayer inspired sites that have taken me beyond fb; plus gobs of decorating ideas and do overs. I, too, have had to defend being on fb…it’s just like the Internet, there are good things and bad and you just have to steer yourself away from the bad. I also love the connections….nephews and neices that I had very little contact with before because of distance. I don’t do selfies and skip over the ones that say if you love your daughter etc…..corny to me. And if you don’t ‘like’ this God will be offended. Really? God reads fb? Love your blog! Looking forward to reading more! God’s blessings!
Oh, I agree! I just HATE those “if you don’t forward this, you must not love Jesus” posts! Same with “if you love, repost” posts. But like you, I love connecting with family and friends, and yes, LOVE decorating posts and before and afters.
Social media is awesome when you live far from family like I do. I can share a video of my children playing together or learning to walk with grandparents, aunts, etc. It’s great to be able to include them in our lives from afar.
I think being real on social media is ‘My day hasn’t been the best BUT God is still teaching me things’. We’re never going to be perfect this side of heaven, just admit it!! But acknowledging that God is in the details of our everyday lives and being able to share how we’re growing in Him with others, it’s priceless and encourages people we might not be able to reach otherwise. And it’s always nice to know we aren’t the only ones who need just one more cup of coffee to get through today!
Well said, Angela. It really can be a ministry and testimony just to share how God works in our everyday lives! And yes, it’s always refreshing to realize that someone else has the same problems and struggles we do.