Do they still have to be young, pretty, and likeable?
Hi friends,
Happy Wednesday! I always look forward to my time with you.
I attended a conference last weekend, and I was the moderator on a very interesting panel on female protagonists. The subtitle was: Do they still have to be young, pretty, and likeable? To be honest, I’d never thought about it. I write about characters in their twenties to early thirties, which compared to my age (ahem the big 50) they are on the “young” side to a good portion of my readers. The women are always pretty, though in a variety of ways, and I hope they are likeable. However, the panel brought new insight.
Some of the questions we discussed, or the audience asked, were quite interesting, so I thought I’d share them with you, and I’d love to know your thoughts.
We started out discussing the difference between likable and relatable, and which the panelists thought was more important. We all agreed that our female protagonists, and really all our characters, should be relatable. The discussion then deepened as we delved into what makes a character relatable. I found this explanation and thought it was perfect:
To feel empathy and to show our character’s humanity, our characters cannot be perfect. They need to have flaws along with things they struggle and wrestle with. And, most importantly, they need to have areas of growth. Watching characters change from the beginning of a novel to the end, encourages us, and we even can find ourselves cheering the character on. So, while we all agreed our characters need to be relatable, we also concluded that the majority of the time our characters will be likable as well. I’d love to know what you think. Do you feel characters need to be relatable or likable or both?
We then discussed whether strong and brave is the new young and pretty. We looked at characters such as Katniss from The Hunger Games and Tris from the Divergent series. I personally tend to write strong female protagonists. I like to write them so they are strong in a variety of ways—physically, emotionally, and personality-wise, but I also think protagonists should have an area of vulnerability. For me that makes them real. Again, I’d love to know what you think. Do you feel that strong and brave are the new criteria for female protagonists to have?
All in all, I walked away with a new appreciation for well-written female protagonists and ways that I can help my heroines be more relatable and empathic. I’m excited to weave that into my stories.
Blessings,
Dani
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Fascinating topic, Dani! As I’ve gotten older (ahem 60-plus) so have my characters. They are still younger than I am, but I notice I’m not writing characters any younger than my daughters and daughters-in-law (30s and early 40s), mostly because I don’t really know any 20-somethings well enough to get deep into their psyches and write them realistically.
I do have secondary characters older (and younger) than I am, but I must say it irks me when authors write gray-haired, doddering grandma characters who are sixty! That is NOT what sixty looks like for the sixty- and even seventy-year-olds I know! 😉
I don’t mind a woman character who can admit she appreciates a man’s greater strength, but I don’t want her helpless either. And I don’t usually go into great detail about what my female characters look like except that the hero finds her very attractive. And that is super-subjective. So I’d say attractive, rather than pretty; young-at-heart rather than physically young; but definitely they need to be likable. As for attractive, I think any woman can be attractive by making the most of her strongest features and most importantly, by being confident in who God has created her to be. Another facet of being attractive is exemplified in this quote attributed to Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Deb, not long ago, I was going through a book of mine written in the 1990s (about 25 years ago), and I came across a paragraph where I called a woman in her early 70s “elderly.” I found myself highly offended by my own words. Funny how, as I age, elderly keeps getting older. My mom passed at the age of 96, so I have decided “elderly” doesn’t begin until at least 85 and maybe even 90. I can write “older” but I refuse to write “elderly.” That’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it!!
Ha! And you, Robin, were one of those young women I was thinking of when I said that’s NOT what the 60- and 70-year-old women I know are like! Hilarious that you offended your own self years ahead of yourself!
LOL, Robin! I totally agree. 70 is far from elderly. I’d absolutely stick to that plan.
Dani
Hi Deb,
Such great insight. Thank you SO much for sharing. I totally agree on being likable and your definition of attractive. And I whole-heartedly agree about 60 and 70 year olds! They are beautiful not doddering. Such an outdated depiction.
Thanks again for sharing!
Dani
This was very interesting, Dani. I think the “beautiful, feisty, young” heroine has become a cliche that most readers can’t relate to.
Thanks so much for joining in the discussion, Lynn. I agree as well.
I love to write strong female characters. As for “beautiful,” I like them to be beautiful in the hero’s eyes, no matter what they physically look like. I try to let the readers see the heroine through his eyes rather than through her own. And I would find a heroine who thinks of herself as beautiful as not very likable, even if she is beautiful. Does that make sense?
That makes total sense, Robin. And, I love how you put that about her being seen as beautiful through her hero’s eyes no matter what they physically look like.
I’m fine with strong brave female protagonists, but it drives me NUTS when they are too over the top with the attitude of ‘I-can-take-care-of-myself-and-don’t-need-anyone’s-help’ , but get themselves (or others) in trouble (sometimes numerous times) and then are angry when the hero comes to their rescue. UGH!!!
I agree. In a lot of modern stories (particularly mainstream), it seems like female strength=aggressive independence and/or physical prowess. But to me, what makes a heroine strong is tenacity and will. She might wounded (inside or out), but she keeps going, even when things seem impossible. One reason I love Christian fiction is that so many authors understand that (or at least the ones I read!).
Yes! You’ve described it perfectly, Rachael! Tenacity and will. Persevering when things seem impossible. Excellent description. Thanks so much for sharing!
Yes! I totally agree.
I feel ya’ Amy! Over the top is way too much.
As a 47 year-old single woman who has never been married, I do tire of reading about perky late 20-somethings or 30-somethings that have decided they are too old for love. I haven’t given up that God might have someone for me, and it would be nice to see characters written for the woman who doesn’t have “curves in all the right places”, who has touches of gray at the temples, and who has seen a lot of life on her own already. Of course, it doesn’t stop me from reading, but I do think that relatable is something that gets passed over for likable or what is expected.
Excellent points, Vickie. I agree on all of them. Thank you so much for sharing!
Really great post! I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with the traditional strong and brave heroines and they’re really fun to read. But I also think that strong and brave can and should be presented differently sometimes. Being strong and brave mentally is as important as physical strength. The ability to overcome difficult life circumstances while you may not have physical strength still shows a strength of character. Or the ability to do the right thing in the middle of a toxic environment.And that’s where you can see character growth. Facing old fears or old wounds throughout is also a good way to show courage.
So glad you enjoyed the post, Sara. Excellent thoughts. You’re right. Strong and brave aren’t isolated to one situation. There are so many ways to show strong and brave, especially strength of character. Really appreciate your insight. Have a great weekend!
I like female protagonists who are strong and independent women. To me, strength is a strength of character rather than physical strength. How does the character react to the hard things that happen in life? In addition, independence does not mean they don’t need anybody – we all need friends and family – but that they find their value in what God says about them. They are not looking for someone else to fill that void. God fills it and they don’t need a human being to make them feel good about themselves.
I am almost thirty, single, work full-time, attend law school, and do volunteer work. And I do all of it even though at four years old I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The one thing I really wish for is that someone would write a strong female protagonist with a medical condition. There are definitely a lot of obstacles the character would have to overcome, yet one can still be a strong, independent woman living a full life with a chronic medical condition. That is really where I feel left out. Very rarely do authors write about female protagonists with medical conditions, yet I think they would make a good addition to a storyline.
I concur with Sarah. I’d love to see more female characters overcoming and successfully navigating physical disabilities or chronic illness. And as others have noted, it’s fine to be older than 30, less than gorgeous and Strong in Faith and character. Quirky. Perhaps being an habitual punster. Perhaps a heroine whose mom is an athlete, competing in the Sr Games.
Please don’t relegate protagonists moms to being grandma who cooks and babysits (tho that’s very fun!) “Let Grandma be more dimensional too,“ said the 62 year old grandma. 😊
Oh, I love this topic. Like some of the others have said, as an over forty-year old single woman, I love the stories starring ladies closer to my age range. I loved that Dee Henderson’s novels often showcase women and men in their thirties and even occasionally in their forties. At those ages, there’s a level of maturity and independence that simply hasn’t had a chance to happen in one’s early twenties, generally speaking. And the independence isn’t so much as “I don’t need no man!” but is more that the hero or heroine’s sense of self has been more or less established already, and isn’t dependent on another person the way it may have been when they were younger. It’s the independence we gain as we mature that I find very appealing, and admirable.
Also, amen to nixing the 60 year old white haired grandma! I recently reread one of L.M. Montgomery’s stories, where Miss Lavender is described as being a little grandmotherly type, and if I remember right, she was 45! I was aghast! Pardon me, Mrs. Montgomery, but I am no white haired granny! LoL