As a writer I’m on a continual seesaw of both praise and criticism. For example, I recently received some criticism on my upcoming June release, Hearts Made Whole. But then the very next day I learned that Romantic Times had given the book 4 1/2 stars (the highest rating) along with a Top Pick for the month (which is a huge honor).
“With painterly prose that never skimps on wit and verve, Hedlund gives us vivid characters, inventive plot twists, fascinating historical detail and heartfelt faith journeys that make the book’s reach-for-the-tissues ending all the more satisfying. Lovers of inspirational romance won’t want to miss this sparkling gem of a novel.” Carolyn Martin RT Top Pick, 4 1/2 Stars
The experience reminded me that life is a continual seesaw of ups and downs with the praise and criticism we receive. On the one side we long for affirmation for the things we’re doing (whether in our jobs, writing, or other pursuits), but on the other end we want constructive criticism. How can we find a balance with these two conflicting emotions?
The Praise:
We all need validation. At least I’m constantly craving it in my writing. But since writing is very subjective, I often have a difficult time sorting through feedback. I see two traps we can fall into with how we view positive remarks.
1. Cling to the praise too tightly. When we get feedback, we usually evaluate the negative comments before we decide what we should change. For example, in writing if only one person tells us our opening is flat, we may not rush to change it. But if a number of people all complain about it, we give their feedback more weight.
If we give careful consideration to negative comments, shouldn’t we weigh the positives too? Aren’t they equally subjective? Perhaps a friend has praised our book ideas or our first chapter. But have we sought out the validation of a number of people wiser than us?
2. Toss aside the praise too easily. This happens to be my problem. When someone compliments me, I think, “They’re just being nice” or “Sure, but what do they really think?” or “I bet they say that to everyone.”
In some ways, this is a defense mechanism, a way of protecting ourselves from being hurt. We long for the affirmation and deep inside need it, but if we keep the praise at arm’s length, then when we get a negative comment, we think we won’t be so devastated. We tell ourselves, “See, I wasn’t really that good after all.”
The Criticism:
Although we crave validation, we need the constructive criticism just as much, if not more. But again, I see two traps we can fall into with the negative feedback.
1. Allow the criticism to pull us down too far. I’ve seen plenty of writers get a rejection or two from agents or editors and then stop querying. One agent who rejected my best-selling debut book, The Preacher’s Bride, took the time to write me a personal note about what he didn’t like. While I gave his ideas some thought, I didn’t let it stop me.
The same thing happens when we get feedback from a critique group or editor. It’s easy to fall into the “I’m a terrible writer and when will I ever be able to write anything besides crap” trap. Partly, we need to develop thicker skins and partly we need to let the feedback light a fire inside us—the determination to learn more about the craft and the drive to keep writing and improving.
2. Brush aside the criticism too quickly. The danger some writers face is thinking we can write whatever we want, however we want. After all, we’re artists, and we can’t possibly control the muse without compromising creativity, right?
Wrong. If the muse is seeking to make readers fall in love with it, then it has to bend the knee to the reader. We can blame the publishing houses for being too picky, but ultimately they’re bound by the same master—the reader. Ultimately, if we’re serious about publication, then we have to be open to change, especially changes that will appeal to our readers.
Summary: I’ve come to realize that when I have an overload of either praise or criticism, I grow too self-absorbed and my writing suffers. I swing either too high or too low.
The trick is learning to find a balance. We have graciously accept both praise and criticism but not get over-loaded with either one. If we start to lean too far one way with an overdose of pride or discouragement, then we have to remind ourselves that fluctuations always happen, but we can’t let them define who we are.
Where are you on the seesaw of praise and criticism? Do you cling to praise or toss it aside? And how do you handle criticism—do you brush it off or let it weigh you down?
Jody Hedlund
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Thank you, Jody! It is a balancing act. I appreciate the wisdom you shared.
Thank you, Carrie! 🙂
Wonderful points, Jody. I ride this see-saw constantly! Thanks for putting praise and criticism into perspective.
I am totally with you, Lynn! I’m up one day and down the next! But over the years, I’ve gotten much better about not taking either the praise or criticism too seriously and that helps!
Balance is so important and so difficult to maintain. Thanks for the reminder, Jody. Oh, and HUGE congrats on your RT Top Pick! That’s fabulous! I think it’s okay to cling to that one for a little while. 🙂
Thank you, Karen! I was really thrilled to get the positive review! 🙂
You have to have the balance to keep your sanity even when it is hard
Absolutely! I find that just heading back into my work and not focusing for too long on either praise or criticism really helps, and instead focus on the next project.
Jody, thanks for the encouragement to find great balance between the highs and lows of writing. I’m currently reading Love Unexpected and am greatly enjoying it. I read half of it yesterday and can’t wait to see how Emma and Patrick’s story ends.
Blessings,
Andrea
Thank you for reading Love Unexpected, Andrea! I’m delighted that you’re enjoying Emma and Patrick’s story! 🙂
I once worked for a doctor that told me I’d never hear from him unless I was doing something wrong. He never gave me compliments or praise. One of the other doctors in the practice gave me praise from time to time. I always worked harder after the praise.
Oooh, I love your thought, Gail! We do tend to work harder when we’re “flourishing.” I noticed that with my kids too. If I make sure to build them up and recognize the things they’re doing right, they rise up to do better.
When I am praised, I immediately turn it to the Lord. It wasn’t me, but Christ in me. When I am criticized, I try to use it for growth. I pray that my Father will help me to see where I was wrong and how to change.
Great advice, Nancy! I try to do the same thing with any praise, sort of like a football player does after scoring a touchdown, raising his arms and giving glory to God. Well, if I score a “touchdown” I want my first reaction to be one of praise to God.
Excellent post, Jody. Balance is the key, and I personally think we can apply this to many areas of our life (in addition to writing). I’ve always been too sensitive—which can be bad in one respect, but yet it’s good in the respect that I’m more sensitive to OTHER people’s feelings.
Thanks for sharing this! 🙂
Blessings, Patti Jo
Hi Patti Jo,
Anytime we go through criticism, it can definitely make us sensitive to others! In critiquing other people’s writing, I’m always really sensitive because I’ve been on the receiving end and know what it’s like to have your heart drop out from all that you need to work on!