Don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas.
I eagerly await and cherish family time and cooking and sharing meals together. I even enjoy shopping for presents—as long as I don’t have to step one foot inside a mall and can accomplish most (if not all) of my gift giving online. Either that or via baking something yummy. ; )
But the best thing about the holidays is spending time with family.
As I drove down to ATL yesterday morning to be with Dad for a few days, I spent a great deal of the trip praying. I left the house around 6:45AM to get the “low” front right tire on my truck fixed. (Yep, I drive a truck. The larger the vehicle, the better. What can I say—I love being up high!) The wonderful mechanic at Moody’s in Franklin quickly extracted the screw from the tire and patched it up, then checked my other tires for good measure and sent me on my way.
It was foggy and traffic was light. The early morning sun tried its best to reach through the shroud, but with little success. Yet, gradually, it finally managed to penetrate the thick blanket of white—and the scenes were radiant. And I thought more than once… If this side of eternity is this lovely, what must our real home, our eternal home, be like?
God is the best gift giver. If you’ve walked with Him any length of time, you know that. But you also know that He doesn’t always give the gifts you think He will. Nor the gifts you would choose for yourself (and your loved ones) if He allowed you to author that list.
But His gifts are always best. Always.
As I type this, I’m sitting in Dad’s room, watching him sleep. He’s resting comfortably right now, and I’m so grateful, because he had a very rough night and morning. We’re not at all sure about the cause of his recent uptick in distress and anxiety. Perhaps it’s simply a progression of the dementia.
He called me yesterday while I was on the way here and asked, “When are you coming, Tam? You said you were coming!” I could hear the desperation in his voice. I tried to explain that I was on the way. Right then. That I would be there in less than two hours. But he was too upset to comprehend what I was saying.
It’s an interesting thing…dementia. It steals even as it gives.
We were given no time to say goodbye to Claudette, my dear mother-in-law, back in 1995 when an aneurysm took her Home almost instantly at the age of 58. She’d phoned Fred, my father-in-law, saying she had the worst headache ever. Fred said he would be there in 20 minutes. When he arrived, she was on the floor of her office in a library in a local Nashville middle school. She was never revived. Here, anyway. ; )
Mom passed in August 2009 after a brief six month battle with gallbladder cancer. And as I told a group of readers last week… She taught me how to live, and she taught me how to die. And she taught me how to live with everything said. #missyoumom Fred, my dear father-in-law, followed Claudette and Mom home in January 2016. And again, we had time to say what needed to be said.
So Dad is our last parent. And it’s different with dementia.
Yes, it steals indiscriminately. Yes, it’s cruel to the mind and the body. But it also gives. It gives time to pull fading memories back from the edge and relive them—again and again. And again. : )
There are long hours of sitting with Dad while he’s resting and sleeping. But then, from out of the blue, he’ll rouse and start recalling a memory—that’s crystal clear! He’ll talk about his parents, Granny and Pa, when they were younger. He’ll talk about sharing his sandwich with the German soldier in a prisoner camp near Fayetteville, TN when Dad was a boy.
Talk about a treasure. And special gifts that I’ll cherish.
Another special gift are the three gentlemen who Dad shares a table with for meals. Bill, LeRoy, and Frank. They always greet each other and shake hands when they arrive and when they leave. I snapped a pic of Bill (in the red sweater) shaking Dad’s hand last night at dinner. So sweet.
Often, after breakfast, Bill (age 96, a decade older than Dad and a WWII veteran) will say to Dad, “Hey! Let’s meet at 9:30 for some handball!” Bill will laugh, and Dad will nod and smile.
I’m so grateful for these moments, these memories, these opportunities to walk this road with my father, even as our Heavenly Father walks it with both of us.
I’m praying for all of you who have lost loved ones this year and who are facing your first Christmas without them. God is mighty to save, to comfort, to soothe the pain you may think will never subside. He’ll give you everything you need to walk the road He’s leading you down. And His greatest gift of all—Christ Jesus, our Lord—will walk that road with you every step of the way.
And to see so many people coming together to celebrate Him, God’s greatest gift, at this time of year—even with the busyness and heartaches—truly does make it a most wonderful time!
Merry Christmas, friends, and blessings as 2018 draws to a close and a New Year begins!
Tamera
Tamera Alexander
Latest posts by Tamera Alexander (see all)
- A trip with the grands to the pumpkin patch - November 19, 2024
- Tips for a great Election Day - November 5, 2024
- Petticoat Gumption — Releases Today - October 15, 2024
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Tamera! I needed this, this morning.
Love your kindred heart, Betty! Hugs to you, friend.
Merry Christmas, dear friend. What a beautiful post. You know I’m praying for your dad and your whole family daily.
So grateful for you, dear friend. And LOVE the house pics you posted yesterday. SO GORGEOUS! (Is it still that pretty today?? LOLOL!)
Beautiful Tamera! Thankyou for this beautiful post today. Christmas is a beautiful joyous time for our family but also hard. My dear father in law passed away from Lung Cancer two days before Christmas 16 years ago this year. He loved Christmas! So while we remember him fondly, we also relive those difficult days. What an amazing comfort we have in this sad world, that our heavenly home will be so beautiful and without sin. I can’t even imagine how beautiful that will be! To see Christ in His glory, ahhh what a sight that will be!
Praying for your dad and your family, and the blessing that your Dad can share those amazing memories with you in his bright moments. God is merciful to give you those snippets. Enjoy your special & difficult times with him.
Have a Bleesed Christmas!
I deeply appreciate your comment, Grace, about our heavenly home being without sin. Amen! The beauty, indeed! No sin, no death, no decay. And heavenly bodies!!! Finally I’ll have one! ; ) Much love this Christmas!
Precious words. Praying you continue to feel God’s loving presence and strength. Have a blessed Christmas!! ❤️
Hugs to you, Linda! ; ) Prayers for a special Christmas this year for you and yours.
Dear Tamera!
Thank you for these timely words today! I too, have lost both parents now…my mother just this past summer…and both in-laws. I do NOT like goodbyes, but knowing (and I do know, thank the Lord!) that they are in heaven and having the BEST time of their lives, is such a blessing!!
I also love Christmas, but this year especially, online gifting is my best friend! No mall for me! Ha! And I LOVE my truck! And being up high…seeing what’s going on far ahead in traffic… And soaking in the beautiful scenery that God has gifted us here on earth…just a small “taste” of things to come when we are in His Presence someday!
Thank you again for the copy of With This Pledge!! I’m finishing up this beautiful and poignant novel and headed to the Colorado mountains in just a few days… to blast my reviews on every outlet possible! I have LOVED reading it and do not want it to “end”…
Love you Lady! Thank you for your heart poured out…over and over.. for those of us who are not so gifted in that way 🙂
Merriest and Blessed Christmas to you and yours!!
Oh yes, Julie, my kindred truck loving sister!, I love that too—knowing where our parents who’ve gone on before are. Safe in the presence of Jesus. That really is a treasure. And knowing that they’re waiting for us, “praying us Home,” as it were, is a treasure too. One day God will wipe away all tears. Oh for that day!
Thank you again for being on my launch team for With This Pledge. I so appreciate you helping to get the word out. Truly. There is nothing so powerful in the book world as word of mouth. Nothing. So…thank you!
Praying for you and your family, Tammy, and wishing you all a joy-filled and peaceful Christmas this year.
Thank you, D’Anne. Praying the same for you, friend.
I feel so blessed that both of my parents and my mother-in-law are still on this earth. This year has been more of a challenge for all of us. I am reminded every day that my time with them here grows shorter. When I talk to my parents each evening I often think of you and your dad. Especially when Dad recounts something he told me the night before or recalls a long ago memory. It is a gift that I will cherish. I am being given treasures to store and carry with me until I see them again. It is interesting, if I ask for some specific information from either of my parents, there are gaps in their memories. But if I wait, the events will come back to them in full color. I’ve heard of so many things that I never knew about my parents’ lives over the recent months. Even my mother-in-law, who has always had the most astounding memory for dates and events, has struggled a bit this year. I know it is frustrating for them.
My prayers are with you and your family. I hope you truly have a wonderful time of the year!
Bless you, Ruby. I’m praying for you as you care for your precious parents and your mother-in-law. Isn’t it a joy?An exhausting joy at times, to be sure. But an honor and a privilege. Blessings to you, friend, and I hope you have many wonderful moments this Christmas!
that was sooo good Tammy… my mom is in an assistant living 15 hrs from me and it is hard because she doesn’t know who I am any more. I am the oldest of 6 kids. But she can still dress herself and can still walk on her own without a walker or cane. I just miss the times of sitting and talking or being out in the garden with her. But one day she will know me again.
We went through this with my Dad. We finally realized he didn’t recognize us as looking older. Dad was 90 when he passed, and he just couldn’t fathom he had children of the age we looked. He talked about us, but didn’t place our faces as his children. Blessings to you.
Merry Christmas 🎁🎄Continued prayers for your daddy. Neither of my parents are well so I can identify with a lot of what you are saying. Thank you for sharing your heart ❤️
Tammy, Beautiful post about your dad, and I can’t picture you in a truck; but hey. I said just this week when I was looking at the 50th anniversary of the loss of my parents that instant deaths are hard and long goodbyes are hard, they are just different. Blessings to you and your family over Christmas.