Last weekend my family packed into our little mini-van and drove eight hours to visit my grandma in Iowa and celebrate her 95th birthday. Let me tell you, it’s not easy scrunching eight of us (including my mom) along with all our bags and backpacks into our van, especially because I have three growing teens.
I heard plenty of “You’re taking up all the room” and “It’s hot back here” and “When is it my turn to pick the movie?” We always have our share of bickering, noise, and irritation. But with the help of DVD’s, ipods, and audio books, we arrived at the nursing home without killing each other.
Here I am with my grandma in 2011
My grandma has lived in the nursing home for at least the past five years. In fact, the last time our family was all together, we celebrated my grandma’s 90th birthday in the very same nursing home. I remember how she’d had her hair fixed special for the day, wore a pretty dress, and was so excited.
Along with her family, lots of people came from the community and from her church. The entire big dining room was filled with all those celebrating her life. She practically flitted on air through the crowd, smiling and laughing and loving the attention.
She’d touched many lives over the years through the ministries she lead, her volunteering, and the love she showed to so many.
Her 95th celebration was very different. This time only a few came instead of hoards. This time she was wheelchair bound instead of flitting. This time she slept instead of laughed. And this time she wore an old faded shirt and sweater instead of a pretty outfit.
In five years, my grandma had changed drastically. Her health and mental capacity had declined so that in some ways she was merely a shell of the person she’d been at the last party. While it was a joy to see her and share our love, her deteriorated condition also brought me to tears on several occasions during the afternoon.
Here I am with my grandma last weekend at her 95th birthday celebration.
It was difficult seeing her that way. I preferred to remember her as the vibrant, energetic woman who’d taken me and my brothers to Six Flags, or who took us swimming every summer in her condo pool, or who made my favorite ice cream cake dessert every time I came to visit, or who taught me how to play King on the Corner.
And yet, seeing my grandma also provided some important reminders of how frail life is. Of how quickly our health can change. And of how difficult those last years can be. It spurs me to try to make the most of my time, to be healthier, and to never take life for granted.
During the afternoon, my grandma reached for my mom and intertwined her fingers with my mom’s. She may not say much anymore, but that action spoke volumes!
There’s one thing that will never change no matter how many times I see my grandma and how frail that she gets. I’ll always think about the legacy of faith she gave to her family, a genuine personal faith that was the most important thing in her life. She placed such a high value on her faith and lived it out every day of her life.
I saw her example and it impacted me. Not only that, but she also passed her faith on to my mom, who has now passed it on to me.
It’s because of my grandma that my faith is what it is today.
So thank you, Grandma, for staying strong and passing on a legacy of faith. Even though I’m slowly beginning to mourn the loss of your life, I’ll always rejoice in the great gift you gave me.
How about you? Have you had to deal with any loved ones getting older? What lessons have you learned as a result?
Jody Hedlund
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It is so hard to watch those we love grow old. I hate it! But it makes the time with them so precious.
It IS hard! While I was visiting, I wished I could just scoop her up and take her home with me. I know that’s unrealistic since the drive to Michigan would likely kill her, but nevertheless, I hated having to leave her there! 🙂
Beautiful post, Jody!! My mom is just two years younger than HER mom was when she died {and they are the very image of each other} so I look at Mom and see Grandma. It’s a strange feeling. Sometimes it’s hard {because I’m so young in comparison to them} to see my parents aging so much, but oh goodness, am I ever thankful that they lived to see me get married. That was one of my biggest fears as a single adult with aging parents. I had no idea if they would get to see that blessing. I tear up when I look at my wedding pictures and see them soaking up the joy of a sunset beach wedding. So glad they were able to be part of that. I appreciate your reminder today to enjoy this season and not take it for granted – even when it’s hard.
Hi Bekah! I’m sure that’s a little scary thinking that your mom is nearing that age of possible death (although obviously she could still live a very long time!). But I know how you feel. My dad died when he was 50 and so when I look at my brother who’s nearing his mid-40’s (and is very much like my dad), I can’t help but think about my dad’s death and praying that my brother far outlives him!
It’s a hard thing to watch the ones we love grow old and all the complications that go with aging. How wonderful that your grandma has laid out such a rich legacy of faith that is thriving in each subsequent generation! So grateful that we can take comfort in knowing there is life (and family reunions) after death because of what Christ did for us on the cross.
I think the lesson I’m taking away from your sharing and my own life experience is to embrace each moment. Spend less time worrying about temporal things that make no difference in the long run. It really doesn’t matter if you raised your kids in a palatial home or small apartment as long as you raised them in Jesus. Generations will reap the benefit of that as is evident in your family.
Excellent summary, Kav! I feel like I should rewrite the end of my post and send everyone down to read your comment! LOL 🙂
Your post was touching, Jody. And timely. Next week I’m going back to my hometown to help my mom move from her home into my sister’s home. Mom will be 89 soon and still independent. We all know what a hard move this will be for her to give up that independence. And we all know how swiftly things can change, like they did for your grandmother. But she also gave our family a legacy of faith,like your grandma did, and for that we’re all thankful. And blessed!
Thank you, Lynn. I’ll be thinking of you as you help your mom with her move. What a blessing that she can move in with your sister, and that your mom is willing to do that before it gets too late. I would have much rather had my grandma living with me in these later years than in the nursing home, but even though we tried to encourage her to be with us, she didn’t want to make the move. Whatever the case, I’m still very thankful for her life and legacy!
My grandmother had Alzheimer’s, so she didn’t even remember me when I saw her last. She also didn’t know the Lord. I went to see her before she passed, but she was not awake, and I shared the gospel with her, weeping all the while, begging her to accept Christ. She had always scoffed at God before, as if to say, “What has He got to do with our lives?” I don’t know if she accepted. I don’t even know if she heard. But if I do see her in heaven, that will be glorious indeed.
Praise Him that your grandma knows Him, and she can face the hard, frail times with His strength, instead of alone.
Ah, Courtney, my heart was breaking as I read your comment. How awesome that you had that last chance to share the gospel and pray for a miracle! Like you said, I can count the blessing that I know I’ll see my grandma whole and happy one day in heaven.
It’s so hard to see our loved ones decline. Across the few years of her life, my grandmother lost the ability to walk, her feet and hands twisted with arthritis, and she struggled with Parkinsons. It made my heart ache to see her in that condition. She lived with my parents, who were her caregivers. The lessons I learned during that time were by example. I saw how my parents put their love for her into action in ways that were sacrificial, and difficult, and practical, and determined. And I saw how my grandmother never complained. Never! Because of her faith, she was peaceful and full of grace right to the end.
Thank you for your post, Jody. God bless your grandma.
Hi Becky, Thank you for sharing your parent’s care of your grandma. What a beautiful example of giving back. After my mom has sacrificed so much for me for most of her life, I look forward to the day when I can have her live with me and help take care of her (if need be). I’ll rearrange my house, build a wing on it, or do whatever I need to have her here! I’d like to be like your parents, filled with determination and sacrifice, and in turn setting a good example for my children.
i watched my grandmother, due to dementia, become a person I didn’t recognize and didn’t recognize me. I mourned my grandma for two years, while she declined into that stranger. I loved her dearly. She was a woman of faith and taught me many things about loving Jesus. I was able to rejoice, although sadly in the end that she was whole and with Jesus at the end.
Thank you for your wonderful post. You have a treasure in your grandmother.
Hi Dora, It’s hard for them to turn into a stranger. That’s a good way to describe my grandma during my recent visit. I wasn’t really sure if she knew me or not. But I still loved on her and pray that she could feel her whole family’s gratitude and love even though she might not have understood everything anymore.
My father-in-law will be 91 in September. We are learning more and more about his service in the navy during WWII. Each birthday is very special and at his age, we don’t know how many more he will have. My mother is 79 and she is in worse shape physically than he is. She is also suffering memory loss due to mini strokes, and falls involving her head because of neuropathy in her legs. It is sad to see the body and mind age.
Hi Gail, I’m sure it must be SO interesting to hear your father-in-law speak of his experiences. My grandpa served in WWII and drove tanks. He never wanted to talk about anything he saw or did. He’s passed on now, and took all of his experiences with him to the grave. As we and our parents age, it sure brings life into perspective, doesn’t it?
What a beautiful post. Happy Birthday to your grandma. She looks lovely! I don’t have any grandmas or grandpas left. So enjoy it when you can. Tears welled up in my eyes when I was reading this blog post.
Thanks, Anna! She’s my last grandma alive. I’m glad I was able to be with her for this birthday celebration. I don’t think there will be too many more birthdays left for her, at least on this earth!
Yes, a beautiful post. Treasure the legacies they leave behind. And look forward to seeing them again, beyond the infirmities. My sister is blessed to live with and look out for my sole remaining grandparent – she is 85 and got her Ham Radio license two weeks ago. (You’re never too old to learn something that interests you!) And I can’t hear “I’ll fly away” without picturing my grandfather singing joyfully, raising his arms to “fly” in church. 😉
I’m really looking forward to seeing her again in heaven when she’s flitting around again on air, laughing and smiling. Maybe I’ll even be able to sit down with her and play a game of Kings on the Corner. 🙂
Writing through my tears, Jody – such a beautiful and touching post!! Happy Birthday to your beautiful grandma!!
I tended to take my health for granted in my younger years as I was overly busy raising my children by myself and working more than one job at a time. Now that I am retired and have numerous health issues – I realize how blessed I was to have good health then.
My grandparents are all deceased but I am blessed in that they all left a legacy of faith that has been passed down. My father, aunt and mother all have serious health issues – my brother and I are the P.O.A.’s and are kept busy doing all we can in the handling of their business and personal affairs. I took my mother to a doctor, just 2 days ago, who diagnosed her with Alzheimer’s.
I am reminded daily now of the health struggles so many of us have and the importance of always doing everything possible to maintain good health – but also of how precious life is, the necessity of enjoying it fully while never taking it for granted, the unimportance of so many other things, the importance of sharing God’s love and message with as many as possible, and also just how blessed I am.
Thank you for your post, Jody!! I can so relate to your mourning and rejoicing at the same time and am saying a prayer for you, your grandma, and your family!! Hugs!!
Post Shared!!
Hi Bonnie,
Aging really does prepare us for the reality that this life is temporal, doesn’t it? As you said, it helps us to remember not to take life or the people we love for granted. It’s all too easy to get swept up in the urgent and to forget what’s really important. I pray that I can slow down and remember to enjoy each precious day! 🙂
Beautiful post, Jody, and hits home. My 87-year old mom is such an inspiration and has been all my life! I live in PA and she lives in AR and I spend time with her in the Spring and time with her in the Fall doing those things for her so she can continue to live independently. I am so thankful for her strength and faith. I can only pray that I will have her fortitude when I’m her age. Her mind is alert and she dresses in sparkles….she is too, too precious. Thanks for the opportunity to share how special my mom is! Linda
Hi Linda,
How wonderful that you’re still able to be a part of your mom’s life and that she still has her strength and faith (and those sparkles!). It’s such a great reminder for all of us to enjoy the moments with our family while we still have them!
What a sweet, touching post, Jody. Your Grandmother sounds like a beautiful person who has lived a fruitful life and made a strong impression on you (and others). May the Lord watch over her as she continues through her 90s.
It was VERY difficult for my sisters and me to see our precious Mama decline in her last year. We always thought she’d be one of those ladies who lived to be at least 100—going strong each day!
But the legacy she (and our Daddy) left us will stay with us forever. They live on in my heart, and I rejoice knowing we’ll be together in Heaven one day. 🙂
Hugs, Patti Jo
Hi Patti Jo,
Yes, I agree. It’s super difficult to watch that decline and feel so helpless to stop it. We all hope that our loved ones will live a strong life until the day they die. So it’s difficult when that doesn’t always happen. I’m just thankful that though the body is frail on earth, that it’s restored in heaven! Blessings to you!
Hi Jody,
Your post is so timely as my dear Mum will celebrate her birthday on August 12th and she will be 97. We are so lucky to still have her ,despite the fact over the past few years, she has well and truly had her fair share of major health problems to the point that three times now, the Specialist has said that she won’t survive this attack and asked us to think about Palliative Care. We took his advice and the arrangements for the Palliative Team were put in place.
Well, by the grace of God and the Prayers offered up by my beautiful Author and Reader friends on WOP (and now on our new Blog) she rallied around through this crisis and left my sister and I feeling rather foolish, to say nothing of her Doctors!
We were ecstatic at her recovery, but each time, it takes a huge toll on her.
Consequently, she never quite gets back to the level she was at, prior to each cardiac event.
We have noticed a difference in her since we returned from our travels three weeks ago. Her memory is slipping a little and her hearing has deteriorated but we are still so blessed to have her.
My Mum is one of the founding members of the “Queen Adelaide Society” which of course, is how our city derived it’s name. It is an historical society and each year the society celebrates the anniversary of Queen Adelaide’s birthday which just happens to be the day after my Mum’.s! This year she will be 201 while Mum turns 97. We always take her to the QA birthday celebrations and each year,Mum gets an honourable mention from our Lord Mayor. This is the icing on the cake for Mum.She is absolutely in her element and I’m sure she thinks the Lord Mayor dons his robes just for her! LOL
Jody, I loved reading about your precious Grandma. What a joy and blessing for you all to be together this year. The memories will stay with you for ever.
Take care my friend!
Rosie, I enjoyed your post. It reminded me of my son-in-law’s grandmother. She was 99 and the doctors had decided she needed to go to Hospice from the hospital. The family had made all the arrangements, including funeral service and all that goes with it. One day while she was at Hospice she sat up in the bed, looked at her family and said “I’m sorry you went to all this trouble but I’m not going to die just yet!” Spunky little lady that has since passed on.
Gail Your story cracked me right up:) Even when things happen unexpectedly, and it’s time to say our goodbyes, somehow our Grandmothers and /or Grand friends, seem to be able to provide a quirky side of life as much as to say, “Well dear, I’m not quite ready to go just yet! You can just imagine how my Sister and I felt !
We were told Mum had actually gone and as I’m a Nurse, I thoroughly checked her heart rate myself and all of her pulses and ..Nothing! I thought to myself that I should definitely give nursing away if I missed something as vital as a heart beat in my nursing assessment! I can laugh now but at the time, I practically went into apoplexy!LOL
Jody, your message is very similar to my story. My Grandma, as we called her, was a very godly woman also. But my Grandmother’s room was right across the hall from my room during my growing up years. I would hear her rattle her sacks at night as she thought they made great storage containers. LOL I didn’t always appreciate the sounds when trying to go to sleep. However, at the age of 80 my Grandma had a big birthday party with all her living children and grandchildren helped her celebrate her life. There were many pictures that day. Then 2 short years later in early December, when I was 15, the Lord took her home. As my aunt and an uncle grieved downstairs; the God of Glory ministered to my heart. I could almost hear the angels sing because of the presence of God which permeated my room that night. God knew my grief would be too much, so he wrapped me in his love. I also had a godly Mother for whom I’m very grateful. Both of these women gave me that wonderful legacy you spoke about in your tribute to you Grandmother.