The Ugly Truth About My Writerly Insecurities
I am currently in MAJOR editing mode. For the past two weeks, I’ve been working through feedback from my editor for a brand new medieval YA series. And I still have a couple more weeks of editing to go!
*As a side note: The novella and three books release this fall! So mark your calendars for the release of the novella in mid-August and the first novel in late August.
Once I finish with edits on this medieval series, I have rewrites waiting for me on my second Bride Ship book, The Runaway Bride (which releases next March). The rewrite notes from my team of editors are very helpful as always but will require a lot of thought and effort on my part.
All that to say with 6-8 weeks of editing on tap, my brain is slightly dead these days since editing takes a lot out of me (much more so than writing a first draft). For me, the process of editing is much more analytical and nit-picky, involving a lot of fact-checking, questioning if things work, careful searching for the right words, smoothing out sentences, clarifying thoughts, and more.
It also involves a LOT of self-critique, looking at my writing through critical lens and seeing everything in its basest element. To be honest, this is the stage where I doubt my writing abilities the most.
As I scroll through the pages of words on my computer screen, I see the colors from my editor’s marks bleeding with the colors from all my additions and deletions. Everything looks messy, choppy, and pasted back together. It certainly doesn’t appear pretty or cohesive.
My insecurities come rushing back as though I’m a brand new writer instead of a seasoned author of over twenty novels. And I come away from a day of editing with bleary eyes and a weary spirit, wondering if I still have what it takes and if readers will like this story as much as the others I’ve written.
What if the story flops? What if readers find mistakes? What if I don’t catch everything? What if I can’t make everything just right?
On and on the doubts flood in.
But as with every other book that has come before and that will come after, I plod meticulously forward, shaping and crafting each word, doing my very best to make the book perfect.
The fact remains, no matter how many times I edit or read my books, I will always find things to change and make better. At some point, I have to decide I’ve reached good enough. And after that, I never read the story again. The truth is I’ve never read any of my books after they’ve been published because I’m too afraid I’ll see something I want to change.
In the end, each time I go through the editing process I’m reminded of how humbling it is to be a writer, to have my work critiqued on so many levels. As hard as it is, I’ve learned that humility makes a better companion on the journey than pride.
How about YOU? Did you realize authors suffer from so much insecurity? Are there any areas where you’re insecure?
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I relate to all of this! Except for the part about having so many books lined up to edit at once. Wow, that must be so draining. Rewrites are tough. Hang in there!
“Humility makes a better companion on the journey than pride.” AMEN!!!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities with us, Jody. I struggle with both doubt and pride. Isn’t that crazy? That Satan can jab us at both ends of the spectrum? Thank God that we have weapons to wield against him – humility being chief among them. I usually think of humility as being the shield against pride, but as I read your post, it occurred to me that it can also help us battle doubt because both pride and doubt are centered on the same thing – Me and the level of my abilities. Humility can remind us that we are only instruments and that God is the one working through us. The Creator will inspire us with plots and characters, the Vine Dresser will prune and graft with us as we edit, and the Provider will place the finished product in the hands of the readers he chooses. It’s not about me at all.
I find it interesting that you never read any of your books after they’ve been published. WHAT!?! I guess that’s like an actor never watching themselves on the big (or small) screen. Rest easy, Jody, your books are nothing to be insecure about. I’ve enjoyed them immensely. God gave you the ‘writing gift’ for a purpose and He’ll continue to provide His words for you since you’re honoring Him through them.
What’s endlessly fascinating to me is how God gives each person such different stories to tell. I’m constantly amazed when enjoying a new book; the storyline is never anything /I/ would have come to, it’s uniquely for that writer.
It’s so sweet to be created by an even greater Creator, who loves to teach us to follow in His steps
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I really did not have any idea that authors (in general) go through such stages of insecurity, or doubting their own amazing abilities! I am no professional author by any stretch, but did do a fair bit of critical and creative writing in college, as I was an English major with a communications minor. I always found the editing process to be refreshing, because that’s where I got to weed out my errors and sharpen my thoughts, to make everything just the way I wanted. Now I just get the joy of reading the beautiful end product of my favorite authors. I hope it’s OK, but I will be praying for you, and for all authors who are experiencing periods of doubt or hesitancy. Today, Satan will have to find someplace else to so the seeds of inadequacy!