Hi friends,
I always look forward to spending time with you all. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to spend a little of it with me. I’ve been looking at my priorities lately. Particularly as I deal with continued and increasing health issues. It is times like this that it makes you sit back and really think the best way to invest your time.
I took the last few weeks and kept track of how I actually spent my time. Not what was in my calendar or what I hoped to achieve, but how that time was spent. I realized several things:
- I’m overcommitted, which makes me overwhelmed. This is where stress and anxiety take over and I struggle to be still and know He is God. It detrimentally affects my health, my family, my peace, my faith, and my ability to write the strongest story I can.
- I’m spending time on things I should have said no to. I seriously want to hear how you say no. I don’t think of myself as a people-pleaser, but that factors into my inability to say no the majority of the time. If you are able to keep good boundaries around your priorities and don’t sweat profusely when saying ‘no,’ I want to hear from you!
- I’m having to work later to finish up what needs to be done. Which takes time away from my family, from relaxing, and doesn’t allow me to give my best to the things that deserve the best because I’m so tired.
I miss seeing my grandbabies more. Life is busy for my daughter and her family and I know I can’t be at everything they do, but if I managed my time better, I probably could see them a bit more.
I miss time with good friends—phone calls, voxes, Zoom chats, coffee outside, etc.
I miss a peaceful, cozy house. Okay, those who know me will laugh at this because my house has always been ‘organized chaos.’ I have a framed picture in my kitchen that says, “I don’t have ducks. Or a row. I have squirrels. And they’re at a rave.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m noticing a pattern, particularly on the last three. I’m missing my priorities—faith, family, friends, my health and my writing, which blesses me more than I can say. So, I’m readjusting how I not only schedule, but how I actually spend my time.
Reader Question: I’d love to hear from you. What areas do you struggle in? What areas do you excel in? How do you say ‘no’ without feeling guilty?
Can’t wait to hear your feedback!
Best, Dani
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Hi,
Miss everything, everyone, know that everything we once shared is over . – but..
some years ago, a mixed up young graduate chose a weird subject for her Masters, Economic and Social Consequences of a Pandemic. . Through their names, and financial and ;legal struggles, those people became real to me. Write about tem now, less number crunching and more love ?
More love is wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing.
I struggle with saying ‘no’ too. I’m trying to structure my day – faith, family, work, family. I have friends who hold me accountable to that, so that’s a huge blessing. But being too busy steals my joy and causes stress which leads to a bad temper and that helps nothing. Thanks for the reminder of what’s important.
I think you’re doing a remarkable job with all you have going on, but I LOVE structuring your day that way!
I often find that my time is wasted the days when I do boring work. I just don’t cope with boredom very well. If that day’s work is boring, I take a long time finishing it, mainly because I drift off either to some other website or to fiddling with something on my desk. I usually put writing after my work because I know that it’s not likely I’d be able to go back to working after I start writing. That ends up with no writing time that day. And I would be quite disappointed.
‘There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did.’ That’s what Pip said about his life full of overspending with Herbert in Great Expectations. That’s how I feel when I am doing something idle to escape boring work – I am not doing something I like nor am I working, but it just feels a bit more interesting than the boring work.
For work I find interesting I do it fast and well and I would usually be able to do a lot of interesting things in a day.
I am usually a firm no-er and I sometimes find myself blunt. But no is no. I hate spending my time on something I don’t like just because somebody asks me to.
One of the things I’ve had to learn over the last few years is how to recognize feeling guilt for what it is. Guilt, feeling guilty, feelings of failure — none of that is from the Lord. Our God is a God of grace and mercy. The Spirit convicts us to help guide our steps and help us make wise choices, but conviction is radically different than guilt. I had to really study those two words/concepts and then assess why I was feeling guilty when I said no. And then ultimately, each time I say no I have to let go. I have to ask God to help me not to hold on to regret or pity or sorrow or pride and simply move forward. And I have to repeatedly ask myself: am I struggling with this decision because I want to please God or because I want to please people?
The COVID-19 shutdown was a blessing in a way. Prior to the shutdown, I, too, was overly committed and racing from one commitment to another. Then for a while I had too much time on my hands, and I had to learn how to occupy myself constructively without all those commitments. I’m exercising at home now and during walks with my husband rather than going to the gym three times a week. I cut out the regularly-scheduled massages and a couple of the volunteer jobs. I still work part time, which ceased for a couple of months. I go to any meetings via Zoom now, and I’m loving having most mornings to do housework and get ready for the day in a leisurely fashion. I have resumed Sunday school, church, and a ladies’ Bible study and two once-a-month church-related volunteer jobs. My husband and I are especially enjoying doing a lot of reading in the evening–very little watching of television and no movies. I’m getting a lot more sleep now and am more relaxed.
I used to say “No” by default. I didn’t have confidence to do some things, felt someone else could do them better, etc. Then one day our ladies’ group leader challenged us not to say no until we’d prayed about it. I found when I did feel led to say yes that God would teach, enable, and give grace for whatever He wanted me to do.
But then I got overbalanced the other way and said yes to too many things, partly because I didn’t want to let down the person asking me. Then I took stock, as you did, and felt some things just had to go. A couple of people who took over things I had to say no to did superb jobs. It was evident they were God’s person for that time and task. So that’s one thing that helps me say no: the realization that God might be preparing someone else for that very ministry or job.
Another help is the thought that we don’t usually have to choose between good and bad, but better and best.
I try to remember early on every morning to pray for God’s wisdom and guidance throughout the day to help know what to do when.
I think the best thing for me to do is to plan ahead –shop online for the holidays now, get groceries delivered or at least order them online and have one day a week tech free.