We Don’t Just Give Our Characters Conflict
As authors, we’re taught to give our characters conflict. Outer conflict in the form of physical obstacles and trials, where they must overcome everything hurled at them, such as an angry boss, a dissatisfied spouse, or, in my case, a killer hot on your trail.
But as if that wasn’t enough—especially a killer on your heels—we are to add in inner conflict.
Inner conflict can take many forms, but it’s an internal struggle the main character is wrestling with throughout the length of the story. It’s something he has to grow through or overcome in the season God has him in. Sometimes that means waiting, and other times, it means taking action.
I stop to think of all the trials and obstacles in my life lately. How the external issues I’m dealing with are things God has put in my path for me to grow through and/or overcome. In this season of my life, God is teaching me to be still and to take action. Have you ever been in that place?
Where you have things that must get done, like, in my case, a slew of doctor appointments and medical tests. I’m now at the four-month mark with at least three appointments, procedures, or lab work a week.
I’m exhausted. The kind of fatigue you feel in the body and the spirit. It douses your happiness at times, but never your joy. Joy is separate and an indwelling gift from God. Do I forget that some days, when I spend more time in the hospital than at home? Yes. I do. But God reminds me of his truth in the midst of it all.
Today, I read Psalm 34 in my current Bible study, and it is about the righteous versus the unrighteous. You wouldn’t immediately think of a verse within that Psalm to bring comfort to my medical journey, but it did.
Psalm 34:5 spoke like a lightning bolt to my heart:
Those who look to Him. To Him. It made me sit back and truly ponder if I’m looking to Him through all of this or if I’m staring at the test results, rushing to get appointments scheduled, hurrying through my days to sadly attempt to get everything done (it may or may not have been a month since I made an actual meal…don’t ask my husband—he’ll say 20 years ☺). But, seriously, my To Do list is still sitting in front of me with far more unchecked than checked off.
Do I carry that weight with me? Yes. I have. Is that what God wants? No. He wants me to take the actions to manage my health and equips me to do so, but I *think* He also doesn’t want me pretending I can get everything done like I did before the medical storm hit. I can’t do it all. It’s a fact. One I haven’t been willing to accept until now. Does it mean taking longer to reply to emails? Yes. Longer to get my house clean? Yes. A longer time between spending time with friends. Unfortunately, yes. God has equipped me with the energy I need to get done what He has set before me. Not what all I’ve set before me.
It makes me wonder how many of our To Do lists are different than God’s for us? Am I happy about the external conflicts I’m going through? Not at all. However, God reminded me today that joy is found in Him, and it is found always. It’s ours to hold and not let go despite the conflicts in and around us. That’s what God is teaching me in this season, and I sorely needed the reminder. I’m taking slow time on the porch swing to enjoy God’s beauty and let God remind me of the joy He fills me with, regardless of the conflicts that arise.
And, handing my To Do list over to Him. I’m curious what He’ll fill with it and what He’ll leave off.
Thanks for taking the time to be with me today.
I hope God’s joy fills your hearts today. Do you have a different season you’re going through right now? If so, what is God teaching you or reminding you of in your journey?
Blessings,
Dani
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Praying for your medical journey.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing the conflicts you’re facing, yet still giving us encouragement through your words. I, too, have been on a medical journey the past four months. Many appointments with specialists, blood work, and tests with no resolution or answers so far which is frustrating and EXHAUSTING! But last week, I was reading 1 Samuel 30 where David returns to the town he was living in and discovers that it has burned to the ground and his wives and the wives and families of his men have been taken captive. His men even wanted to stone him, but in verse 6 it says, “But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” I have replaced David’s name with my own and posted it on my bathroom mirror to focus on Who my strength comes from. Praying for you that your medical storm will soon pass.
Thank you so much, and thank you for sharing. How wonderful your idea was.
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a medical crisis, Dani. I’ll add you to my prayers. When I went through my crazy rash insanity four years ago, the appointments, research, medications, etc. were overwhelming and exhausting, so I understand where you are right now. May God give you everything you need to endure and not only survive, but to thrive.
Thank you so much, Deena. Glad your medical storm is long over.
“God has equipped me with the energy I need to get done what He has set before me. Not what all I’ve set before me. ” – I love that line, Dani. So much truth there, especially for someone like me who is so task-focused. I pray that you will find contentment in your new normal without loosing any of your joy. You are dear to me heart, friend, and I’m praying for you.
Thank you so much, sweet friend.. I so appreciate it.
Dani, this is a beautiful post. I’ve had to learn these lessons in my own times of testing, and when God speaks to you in unexpected places, especially in His word, it changes you. Praying for you and these health issues, my friend. First for healing. And second, that the day will come when you can look back and see all that God did for you in the midst of the trial.
Thank you so much, Robin. I know you’ve gone through so much. You’re an example to us all.
Dani, I’m praying for the issues you are dealing with and also asking God to give me the same attitude whenever I have to go through something similar. I know God is glorified when we go through such things with a godly, open-handed attitude. Thanks so much for sharing. You’re an inspiration!
Awww. Thank you so very much, Deb. It means a lot.
Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing. I’ve been going through a long, hard season, and I’m learning to trust that the LORD is Father, Teacher, Lover, Friend, Healer, Comforter, Brother, Publisher, Truth teller, Provider, Inspiration…all the things. My everything.