First off, I want to say a huge thank you to Robin and the rest of the Inspired by Life… team who stepped in for me this past month when I wasn’t able to blog. I’m still reeling a bit, and trying to process two great losses in my life that happened within a 12-hour span. On February 1, Shirley Ann Turner Raney, my precious mother-in-law, passed away after a valiant battle with cancer.
After Ken’s mom passed away on Monday night, I texted my dear friend Terry to let her know the news. Terry responded with her usual sweet and encouraging words and we talked about our plans to get together for coffee while we were in Kansas. Early the next morning Terry’s husband, Eric, called to tell me that Jesus had taken Terry Home sometime in the middle of the night. Completely unexpected.
Honestly, I’m still trying to wrap my head around these heartbreaking losses. I only know that Heaven gained two beautiful souls this month and I miss them both fiercely, yet I’m so very grateful to have had them in my life for as long as I did.
From the day I married Ken, I called Bud and Shirley “Dad” and “Mom.” And especially after my own mother passed away four years ago, Mom became even more special and important in my life.
At her graveside service, everyone mentioned what a strong woman Shirley was. And she had to be. After Ken’s dad died twenty-five years ago, Mom took over running the antiques mall and refinishing business they had built from scratch out in California. When Mom’s aging parents needed help back in Kansas, she sold the business and returned to devote her life to Grandma and Grandpa. They each lived to be 101 years old and Mom’s help allowed Grandma to stay on her farm 11 miles from town until the end of her life!
We teased Mom that she was a bionic woman. She had a metal rod in her back, a hip replacement, knee replacement, and I don’t know what all other metal in her body, but that never stopped her. In her eighties, she took solo road trips from Kansas to New York and California and traveled near and far with her Bridge club. Even a double mastectomy and later a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer barely slowed her down.
She took all of her kids to Hawaii four years ago and while there went snorkeling for the first time at the age of 83! Every five years, she made family reunions possible for all her kids and grandkids, and we are especially grateful for our time together with her in South Dakota last July where this photo was taken.
One of my most poignant memories about Ken’s mom is that her husband died on her birthday, July 22. And then five years later, unbelievably, Mom’s only brother also died on her birthday! While some might have found that an unbearably cruel coincidence, Mom never felt sorry for herself, and always said that those anniversaries made her birthday a day of remembrances. Still, we were all ecstatic nine years ago when our first little granddaughter made her appearance in this world on July 22. She and Nana had a special bond being birthday twins.
In October, Ken’s mom and sister visited us in Missouri and Mom got to meet her newest great-grandchild, our youngest grandson. Mom could then declare that she had been able to see every single member of her family—kids, in-laws, grandkids, and great-grandkids—in a year’s time. Pretty impressive, considering it was the year of the pandemic!
Ken often said of his mom, “She is an amazing woman!” Indeed, she was! We already miss her deeply, but we are so grateful for her love of Jesus and the knowledge that she is whole and joyful in His presence.
I met my dear friend Terry at a Bible study shortly before I turned thirty. I spent my thirtieth birthday having coffee with Terry in her cozy, welcoming home in the country. She was Ken’s age—a couple of years older than me and many years wiser, and I learned so much about strong marriages, good parenting, and walking with Jesus from watching how Terry did life.
Terry was one of those people who went out of her way to brighten the day of anyone she came in contact with. She did not know a stranger and if she did meet one, by the time they parted ways, they were friends. I used to tease her that I didn’t like going out to eat with her because we always seemed to run into numerous people she knew who were so happy to see her and wanted to “steal” from the brief time she and I had to visit.
Terry was someone I could talk to about anything at all. She would listen well and answer honestly, even if what I needed was a bit of scolding or an attitude adjustment. And yet, she offered such an adjustment with such love and good intent that I could never be anything but grateful. She loved her family fiercely and they loved her in return. My heart breaks for how much I know Eric and her family are missing her and for how much of their lives she won’t be part of. And yet, I rejoice that Terry had a close relationship with the Lord and that there will be many joyous heavenly reunions to come.
These losses have shaken me deeply, but they have also made me treasure even more deeply the family and friends that remain. The losses have made me more determined than ever to live my own life in a way that brings glory to God and joy to my loved ones the way Shirley and Terry did.
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Deb, my heart and prayers are with you. So much loss, but how wonderful to have so many precious memories. May the Lord God comfort you in your sorrow and bring you peace.
Thank you so much, Beth. It’s always good to see your name pop up!
Extremely sorry for you loses. Some times we wonder if we can be strong enough to handle what is given to us, but we just have to remember that it’s all in God’s plan and he’s always with us – holding us up with his great love.
May your memories sustain you during this difficult time. Having lost both parents and our only child, I know that in our deepest moments God sends us precious memories to lift us up.
Thank you, Kay. I can’t even imagine the losses you’ve endured. But you are right: God holds us up through it all, and His plan is far better than we can imagine. I know that when we look back from a heavenly perspective, it will all make sense.
What beautiful tributes to your friend and mother-in-law! Praying for you and your family as you grieve. My daughter’s birthday is July 22nd. My mother died on my husband’s birthday, so I understand the bittersweetness.
Take care!
How special that you have a July 22 birthday in your family too. Always love your comments here, Betty.
Thank you. I love that you always respond.
Hearing from you and other readers is a privilege! And one of my favorite things about writing for this blog! Blessings!
I can read your sadness and loss in your words, Deb. I pray that the joy these women brought into your life will heal your heart.
Thank you, Lynn. It has been a sad time, and yet, I know neither of these precious women in my life would want us to grieve without hope. We know we will see them again and what a glorious day that will be! Thank you for your prayers!
Oh Deb, like Lynn said, your sadness and loss are very evident in your words. I’m so sorry you had to deal with a double loss. As I get older it seems so many near and dear to me have been called home by the Lord. One of my closest friends passed very quickly from covid while others have passed through other means. I’m going to send you a link to Tim Challies’ post today. He recently lost his dad and then his son to death and he very beautifully expresses his sadness and joy in the post. I don’t think I can print the link here so I’ll send it via Messenger in a few minutes. As I read Tim’s description of heaven that he has pulled from what the Bible says, I can picture my friends in that very place and what comfort it gives to both know where they are and that I will one day be reunited with them in God’s appointed time. Hugs and love to both you and Ken from the nearly snowbound suburbs of Chicago. (But hope springs eternal. We’re to be above freezing for the first time in over three weeks!)
Thank you so much, Pam. I’ll look for that link as I have loved many of Tim Challies’ posts, but hadn’t seen that one yet. Thank you for taking the time to comment and send the link.
I’m very sorry. It sounds like your mom and Terry were both much loved and wonderful.
Thank you, Sari. Yes, they both were!
So sorry for both of your losses! It is so hard to lose loved ones, even if we know where they are going next. Lovely tributes and photos! Thanks for sharing with us. Hugs and prayers!
Thank you, Angie. I feel those hugs and prayers!
I’ve been praying for you, Deb. Sounds like you lost two wonderful women. But so glad to know you will see them again one day. Hugs!
Amen! Thank you, Anne. It would be hard to grieve without that knowledge. Hugs back!
I’m so sorry for your losses. Your love and compassion shine through in your words. Praying for God to cover you and your family with His love and comfort.
Thank you so much, Melissa. Your prayers are so very appreciated.
I’m so sorry for your losses; both women sound like amazing women of God! I, too, rejoice that they are with Jesus and that you will see them both again. I’ll pray for your family and Terry’s for comfort and strength. What a lovely tribute in your blog to both women!
Thank you for your prayers, Suzanne.
I am so sorry for your losses. Praying for both of you and all who knew and loved them. What a beautiful testimony! So glad you know there will one day be that glorious reunion. Lifting you up as you walk through this difficult time.
That means so much, Jeanne. Thank you.
My heart has been burdened for you, sweet Deb, since reading about your losses when you posted on Facebook. This is such a wonderful tribute to both ladies, and I’m praying your sweet memories will bring comfort.
The photos you shared are so special—those grandkiddos are precious! I’m sure they were a blessing to your mother-in-law.
Prayers and gentle hugs, Patti Jo
Patti Jo, thank you for such kind words. The memories DO bring comfort and joy. I’m doing my best to make warm memories in all parts of my life. I want to leave this earth with no regrets! Bless you for writing.
What a wonderful tribute!
Thank you, Joan. Selfishly, it helped a little to write these words about these women who were such a big part of my life.
What a wonderful tribute to these lovely God fearing women! You truely have been blessed! Prayers for you and their families as you all grieve these losses.
Thank you so much, Jen. I have definitely been blessed to have them in my life!
My sincere condolences to you and your family and friends, in the loss of your mom-in-law and your dear friend. It sounds like the Lord has already granted you peace, hallelujah! I pray that Ken and Eric and the others are at peace as well, or getting there anyway. By clinging to the other ones left behind, I believe it helps us not feel deserted. I pray your losses are compensated with the comfort of knowing they are in Glory!
Thank you, Hilda. Yes to God’s peace! Even though out families miss these beautiful women so much, there is SUCH peace in knowing they are HOME with Jesus. Hard to imagine grieving without that hope!
I’m so sorry for your losses. I pray for comfort for you, your family, and your friends. God bless.
Thank you, Katrina. Your prayers are appreciated!
Deb, my very funny and wise mom used to say she hated the aging process – not because of the aches and pains but because people keep dying on her – “It’s not fair – I don’t want to outlive everyone I love!” Unfortunately God’s plans are not ours, are they? So my prayers and love go out to you because this is just a tough time. Just keep all those wonderful memories in your head and it will become just a little easier each day
Thank you, Lynne. Your mom is right! I honestly haven’t minded most parts of the aging process, but this part where “people keep dying on me” is not one I’m fond of! Thank you for your kind thoughts!
I’m so sorry for your losses, Deb. Thank you for sharing your heart and some fond memories of these two amazing ladies in your life. My mom has stage IV ovarian cancer and has decided not to have anymore treatments. She won’t be around much longer. The thought of losing her here on earth would be unbearable apart from the peace of Christ and knowing I’ll spend eternity with her. May God continue to comfort you and all who are grieving the loss of your “Mom” and good friend.
I’m so sorry you’re losing your mom, Deena. My mom has been gone 4 and a half years and I still miss her, but as you say, there is SUCH peace knowing we’ll have a glorious reunion one day!
So sorry for your loss!
Thank you so much, Donna.
I’m so sorry to hear of these deeply personal losses. Your mother in law did not look her age!
What a legacy she has left for you and your dear family.
I, too, had the most lovely mother in law. She is greatly missed but wow, she taught us much about how to live a life that is glorifying to Jesus.
I want the legacy of a life lived well.
Such hard times when the death of our loved ones leaves us reeling. It is a reminder of the brevity of life. The loss of a close friend is so very difficult. I’m just so very sorry.
May you feel the presence of Jesus around you in the minutes, hours, days and months ahead.
They were blessed to have you in their world and vice versa.
Warmly,
Gail