The last time I blogged I addressed the topic of whether romance novels can lead to discontent within marriage. You can read the post (and the terrific discussion that followed) here. Rachael made this comment on the post: “As much as I like Mr. Darcy, there are reasons I’m married to my husband and not a brooding aristocrat.” And THAT, in turn, gave me the idea for this post.
Special thanks to the ladies on facebook who readily gave their input on this topic. I quoted you!
Here are….
1. Limited Dialogue. Fictional heroes are restricted to the words printed in their books. And sure, some of their words are yummy. Here’s a speech given by Bo, the hero of my Undeniably Yours. “I can’t do many things,” he said fiercely, “but I can love you, Meg. I can love you every hour of every day for the rest of my life. I swear to you I can. I want to earn the right to try.” The pad of his thumb rubbed her cheek. “I love you so much I can hardly see straight. I can’t concentrate. I can’t sleep. I can’t make myself care about anything on earth except for you.”
Let’s fast-forward ten years into the married life of Meg and Bo….
“Hey, Bo?” Meg calls while sweating over the fourth load of laundry that day. “Would you mind running to the store for some eggs?”
Bo answers, “I love you so much I can hardly see straight. I can’t concentrate.”
“Yep. Got it. Thanks and all but I’m really in need of some eggs for breakfast tomorrow. And it probably wouldn’t kill you to vacuum the living room carpet.”
“I can’t make myself care about anything on earth except you,” Bo says.
2. Trust Issues. “My favorite type of fictional hero is the flirty, charming kind but in real life I don’t think I could trust a devastatingly handsome flirt, who’s rich and athletic…or maybe I just can’t trust women around him.” -Cynthia Marcano
3. Baggage. “I will finish a book with a flawed or damaged hero and think, ‘Oh, honey. You have no idea right now, but if you were not actually fictional, you would be dealing with that issue for the rest of your life with that man.'”- Heidi Donnelly A fictional hero’s sad backstory that includes a drug addicted father, a mother who’s a prostitute, and a three legged dog arouses our sympathy. But none of us desire to spend Thanksgiving dinner across the table from those in-laws.
4. Cougar Town. Heroes are usually around the age of thirty. It’s well and good for a man to be thirty. But when you’re sixty and you have to bring your fictional thirty year old hero to a party where he meets your real life thirty-five year old son — it’s awkward. It no longer feels romantic. Things have now crossed over into creepy land. “My biggest problem with the heroes is that most times they are quite a bit younger than me. Not happy to be a cougar!” – June Hickenlooper
5. We’d be rendered useless. If we were married to a romance novel hero “we wouldn’t get any ‘real life’ done for sitting around drooling over our husbands all day long.” – Carrie Schmidt It’s fairly impractical to marry a fictional hero. If we’re incapacitated with adoration and infatuation who’s going to pack lunches and load the dishwasher and call to schedule orthodontic appointments and give the dog a bath?
6. Suffocation. Jessica White says, “We all love that heroes constantly think about the girl in their life, but in reality….” that would grow extremely tiresome. Yeesh! Quit hovering, fictional hero man. Just go play golf already. Think about making par and let me have some breathing room to read some other guy’s romance novel.
7. Procreation. Well? It’s not possible to ‘go forth and multiply’ with fictional heroes and some of us would like to become mothers to non-make-believe children.
8. Limited Actions. “Fictional heroes only make appearances for the big stuff–first dates, first fights, first kisses, weddings… Real life heroes are there for the real stuff. Going to the store to buy tampons when you’re too tired. Changing the baby in the middle of the night. Cleaning up vomit. And a whole lot more.” -author Leslie Gould
9. Perfection. “He needs to have some flaw I can complain about, right?” – Darcy Southern “If our husbands were perfect, then we would be worshiping them instead of God.” – Tonya Robinette “They are prettier than us! Who wants that??”-author Jill Buteyn
10. Broody-ness. You’re at a church function and you’re laughing with one of the men in your Sunday school class when you happen to glance across the room and see that your fictional hero (dressed in a Regency cravat and tailcoat) is staring at you. His mouth is a thin line. His eyes are burning like turquoise coals. You groan. He’s jealous. Good grief! Again?! Which means he’ll remain silent for the rest of the evening and spend lots of time stalking around looking anguished.
So there you have it! As much as I enjoy reading and writing romance novels, I’m very pro real life husbands.
Before I go, I wanted to share a quick and fun announcement with you. I’ve written my first ever novella! Love in the Details features new characters Holly and Josh, a fall wedding, and a Texas setting. It might be just the thing the next time you’re in the mood to spend some time with one of those fictional heroes who wouldn’t make a good real life husband.
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Becky Wade
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Carrie Schmidt says
LOL! I’m dying! Hysterical! Especially the broody/jealous thing – hahahahahahahaha
Becky Wade says
Ha! I had a blast writing this particular post. It’s good to laugh, amen? Thanks for offering input into this post, Carrie!
June says
I loved the list, Becky. It started my day off with a chuckle. I’m sure next time I’m reading and getting too involved in the fictional hero’s life and wishing my hubby was like “that” this list will enter my mind and bring me back to earth real quick. My favorite part? “Let me have some breathing room to read some other guy’s romance novel.” LOL
Becky Wade says
I’m grinning, June! Somehow I don’t think fictional heroes would be all that cool with us reading about OTHER fictional heroes. Which is a problem because we need our books! Thankfully, most of our real life husbands are so understanding about our reading….
Emma Jane says
This is so great! (Of course, I’m sixteen and obviously don’t have a husband, but I appreciate this sooooo much just the same.) 🙂 It is easy to be caught up in the world of fictional men…but when it comes right down to it, I’ll take a real live one, thank you!
Very clever, Becky Wade!
Becky Wade says
Thanks, Emma Jane! Your name is lovely, btw. Thanks for stopping by! It’s nice to know that a 16 year old can relate. 🙂
Lynn Austin says
Wonderful post, Becky! Love it!
Becky Wade says
Thanks, Lynn!
Karen Witemeyer says
Love this post, Becky! So fun and a great reminder to appreciate what we have instead of mooning over some unrealistic ideal.
I loved Heidi’s comment about the in-laws. I’m a sucker for a dark, wounded hero, too (Beauty and the Beast, anyone?), but unless his baggage has been killed off, that could make for some very uncomfortable relationships.
Becky Wade says
Yep! If we have our perspective right, what we have (husband-wise, kid-wise, career-wise, ministry-wise, wealth-wise, etc etc etc) is much to be appreciated over some formless fantasy. Yet this struggle not to view the grass as greener on the other side of the fence in almost every area of our lives plagues us all to some degree. Here’s to contentment and gratitude!
Sue B says
Oh My Goodness! I laughed over your list, I laughed over the pictures (the one with the inexplicably large flower killed me), and I howled over the scene of the wife trying to get the limited dialogue hero to do a few things around the house.
In fact, I’m still laughing.
Thank you for this post. Makes me realize how much I should appreciate my everyday, sometimes non-verbal, real life hubby.
Becky Wade says
I’m so happy to hear that you laughed over my post, Sue! :))
Peter Leavell says
Downright hilarious, Becky! I debuted in the CBA 2 years ago, and read like a madman to catch up on what the CBA was all about. I gorged on romance, particularly prairie, and found them intriguing and entertaining and valuable in the literary world. So I know the heroes you’re talking about. As a guy though, I have to say, this had me laughing so hard there were tears!
Becky Wade says
It’s wonderful to hear a man’s perspective on this! Especially such a well-read man who writes books of his own. Thanks, Peter.
Dana Michael says
OH my goodness! Becky, I am laughing out loud! How funny! And, so true too! My husband of 31 years may not be Mr. Darcy, but I wouldn’t have him any other way!! Great Blog!
Becky Wade says
Personally, I do believe I could have made a lovely wife to Mr. Darcy. *If* he’d been real. And *if* he hadn’t lived 200 years ago. And *if* he’d lived in America so that I’d have had a chance of crossing his path.
Since all those *ifs* didn’t come to pass for me, I find myself quite happy with my non-Darcy husband and quite glad that I can watch Colin Firth as Darcy at will on the DVD set of Pride and Prejudice that I own. A happy outcome all around!
Davalynn Spencer says
I laughed so hard. This is perhaps the best blog post I’ve read in a long time … said the romance author.
Becky Wade says
How kind! Thanks, romance author Davalynn. It’s always good to have a sense of humor about your profession. Especially the writing profession which is strange and wonderful and challenging and creative and very discouraging in turns.
Mary Brown says
Love your blog post today. As an older woman who is in love with her real man I have often wondered, what is wrong with writing about real men? Most of us are married to real men, attracted to their good attributes and we tolerate the smells and laundry of everyday life. I have often not liked the “heroes” of a novel because they are just too MUCH. Bigger than life and a pain to live with. Foolish girls falling in lust with them. A handsomer than real life man is suspect to trifling with other women. Women throw themselves at these men, who can resist all that temptation? Intense, moody and jealous men are scary. In my mind, Heathcliff is the perfect example of a really awful hero. However, I did like Mr. Rochester because he grew to be more human and the little governess got some spunk. By the time they really married he had been brought down and she had enough experiences in life to keep him in his place. Thanks for the opportunity to think about love interests.
Becky Wade says
Good thoughts on Heathcliff and Rochester, Mary!
“I have often not liked the “heroes” of a novel because they are just too MUCH.” There are definitely a wide range of hero types out there. And as you mention, some are way bigger than life. I’m probably a writer who writes heroes in that category. They’re flawed, but they’re also famous or brilliant or rich or very handsome or charming or something. That’s just me and my taste. I think it’s interesting to write about grand, larger than life heroes.
A writer like LaVyrle Spencer, for example, does a masterful job of penning heroes who feel like regular, humble guys.
Aerykah says
LOL!! I just laughed my way through this post and I must say: though it was absolutely hilarious, it’s also totally true! Several book-loving friends I have like to talk about “book boyfriends” and wanting to marry the guys they read about. They can’t understand that, while I do love reading their stories… most of the guys I read about, I would not want to marry. And for many of the reasons you listed. 😉
Becky Wade says
Then this post is for you, Aerykah! 🙂
Carolyn Miller says
Loved this post, Becky! My husband thanks you, too 🙂
(Off to watch Austenland again…)
Laurean Brooks says
I laughed at all of these. So true about most fictional heroes. But mine are carpenters, coaches, principals, tree surgeons, etc. The real working class. Would I date one of them (if I weren’t already married to a farmer)?? Shoot, yeah. LOL.
nicki Olsen says
Literally rolled on the floor laughing by #5. Now I’m just sitting here grinning thinking about just how right these are! 😀