My Eulogy to Dad

Several of you have asked about the eulogy I gave at Dad’s funeral almost two weeks ago and if I would share it. I’m happy to. But first, thank you, friends, for your recent prayers. I felt them every step of the way.

It was hard saying goodbye—however temporarily—to Dad, but being at his bedside with Doug and Esta (Dad remarried at age 79 after Mom passed) was such an incredible blessing. One I’ve thanked God for again and again.

In thinking about what I wanted to share in my eulogy, my thoughts were many—and varied. But in the interest of time, I narrowed my focus to a handful of lessons that I learned while watching my dad live this life well.

They’re lessons I learned as a young girl and as I grew older. Then finally, lessons I learned in more recent months when dementia often blurred the lines between parent and child. These lessons are indicative of the godly man Dad was. And is.

Here are those lessons verbatim—though in slightly abridged form—as I delivered them the morning we celebrated Dad’s life and home-going on Wednesday, August 21st. . .

Lesson #1
Be kind to people. Yours may be the only kindness they encounter that day. Dad was always (and still is) a gentle and loving man.

Although I have been blessed to know many very kind men (and women) in my life, my father was, by far, the most compassionate and genuinely kind person I’ve ever known. Mom used to always tell me, “I live in a fairy tale, Tam”—describing what being married to Dad was like. And I know that Esta echoes that same sentiment about Dad’s “gentlemanly kindness,” too.

The caregivers at The Mann House where Dad lived for roughly the past nine months often asked us, “Has your father always been this kind? This sweet?”

In a word… Yes!

Which I can’t help but think that Dad’s tender nature was at least somewhat influenced by being raised in a house full of women—Granny, his mom, and his four older sisters.

The 2nd lesson that Dad taught me by his example…
Never make decisions at night. Night can be a lonely time. Fatigue and weariness can skew your reasoning. Make decisions in the light and clarity of day—and bathed in prayer.

Lesson #3
Don’t worry about money. If you’ve “only” lost money, you haven’t lost your most valuable of assets by far. So count yourself blessed. The older I get, the more truth I find in this statement.

Lesson #4
Live with everything said. Don’t wait to say the words you want to say to that loved one. Dad lived this out well. We always ended our visits in person and on our phone calls—including the “virtual visits on the Echo Show, where we could see each other—with “I love you.” Most times he would say it more than once. And I would too. My husband Joe would be in the background just shaking his head. : )

Lesson #5
Whenever possible—LAUGH. At yourself, especially.

Dad loved to laugh. And only days before he breathed his last here on earth, a caretaker at The Mann House, Kayley, came into the room to check on him. Dad was drinking a chocolate milkshake I’d brought to him, and Kayley said, “That looks delicious, can I have a sip?” He said, “Sure.” She said, “Really?” With a twinkle in his eye, Dad looked up, and said, “No.” Then he smiled that smile.

There were some things that God did not allow dementia to steal away. And for that, we’ll be eternally grateful.

Lesson #6
You’re never alone. Even when you think you are. Even when it FEELS like you are. God is always near.

I read to Dad from his Bible many times in recent months, and Psalm 121 was one of his favorites. The first verse reads: “I look up to the mountains—does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth!” And in the margin Dad wrote, “God is always with us. He never sleeps.”

Dad walked in this trust of God’s presence all of his life. But during recent months, he grew to where he didn’t like to be alone, especially at night, and he would get anxious. So I often reminded him of this truth.

One evening, as I leaned down to kiss him goodnight, I whispered, “Remember, you’re never alone. Your help comes from the Lord. The maker of heaven and earth.” He looked up and asked, “Where did you learn that?” I smiled and said, “I learned it from you.”

He just smiled that smile and closed his eyes.

Lesson #7—and the final lesson I’ll share with you today, one that Dad reminded me of often is…
God is always working for His glory and for your eternal good. No matter what happens. No matter the circumstances of your life. And even in the “Nos” of life. Even when doors you yearned would open to you—even doors you prayed for God to open—stay firmly closed…God is still working.

Romans was one of Dad’s favorite books of the Bible—if not THE favorite. And chapter 8 verse 28 was a staple for his life. In the New Living Translation, Romans 8:28 reads, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

In the margin of his Bible Dad wrote, “We are continually amazed and mesmerized by what God has done for us.”

Dad loved The Message rendering of this verse too. And verses 26-28 read:
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

In conclusion…
I mentioned how Dad and I talked several times daily via the Echo Show. When I got home last Monday night (after Dad passed earlier that morning), I turned off the lights in the kitchen, grieving Dad’s passing, and looked at the Echo Show. Then I said, “Alexa, Drop In Pa Echo Show” (the command you give her to call him).

And she said, “I cannot contact Pa Echo Show because it is offline.”

I knew when I “called” that Dad wouldn’t be on the other end. I knew I wouldn’t see the rumpled covers of an empty bed telling me he was at dinner or lunch, or see him sitting in his chair dozing. Nor would I see him fast asleep with his arm hanging off the side of the bed as he always used to sleep. But what I didn’t expect was the gentle nudge toward the book of Hebrews. To Chapter 12…

Dad loved Hebrews chapter 12, and it’s well-marked in his Bible. Especially verses 1 and 2. They read:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish.”

From start to finish, my Heavenly Father guided my earthly father’s steps in his faith walk. And, in turn, my precious earthly father then guided mine. Dad instilled a love for the Lord—and for the Word of God—that I pray daily for God to deepen within me.

Earlier this year I had the blessing of traveling to Israel with my daughter and 36 other women. Mom and Dad made a similar pilgrimage in 1996…with Bill Long [the preacher who officiated the Celebration of Life service], in fact.

Before I left for Israel, I scoured the photo album Mom had compiled from their trip. Because I not only wanted to walk in Jesus’ footsteps, I wanted to walk in Mom and Dad’s too!

As our team leader helped me seek out and match 23-year-old photographs to current day surroundings, and as I took pictures standing exactly where Dad and Mom had stood, it occurred to me…

That as I sought to walk where Dad (and Mom) had walked, I was walking in the footsteps of Jesus. Because they were Jesus in the flesh to me. All my life.

I want to invite my son Kurt to share a prayer that I ran across a while back that Dad wrote in the back of his Bible. It’s insightful as to the husband, father and grandfather he was to our family…

“Father, you have promised us that as we come to know Jesus better, his divine power will give us everything we need for living a Godly life. That you will restore, support, and strengthen us, and place us on a firm foundation.

“Give us spiritual wisdom and understanding so that we may grow in your knowledge. Flood our hearts with light so we may understand the wonderful future you have promised us. Help us to understand the incredible greatness of your power.

“Give us inner strength through your Holy Spirit. Help us to be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults.

“God, I want all that you offer, all that the Scriptures promise, all of the power available in Christ—and through the Holy Spirit.“

And now, dear Inspired By Life and Fiction friends, in Jesus’ perfect Name we pray together (with my sweet Dad) . . . AMEN!

Hope you have terrific Tuesday!

Tammy

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Tamera Alexander

Novelist at Novelist

Novelist, wife, mother… USA Today bestselling author Tamera Alexander has loved the lure and power of story for as long as she can remember. Now she enjoys creating stories set within the real history of the post-Civil War South and the rugged, panoramic vistas of America's West.

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