Do you remember this snippet from You’ve Got Mail?
I can relate to this sentiment. Fall, to me, is synonymous with the beginning of school. When my children were at home, I lived for that moment. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy summer. I did. So many family memories made in the long, hot days. But by August, I was always summered out. I craved routine and schedule, even if those were tethered to crazy-busy weeks. Because in those crazy-busy weeks I always got more accomplished than I did in summer with all its “free” time.
Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash
That’s the reason these first few years of the empty nest season have been harder for me than anticipated. I thought it would be wonderful to have oodles of time to do as I liked, create my own schedule. But my penchant for structure goes deep, and I’ve had trouble creating it on my own. My self-imposed schedules just don’t work the same as those scripted by institutions such as school. And the fewer the outside constraints on my days, the less I seem to get done.
Granted, many of the obstacles to creating my own schedule have been situations outside my control. Minor health issues. Kids’ weddings and graduations. Several moves and downsizing. Business trips my husband asked me to go on with him. Nothing terrible. In fact, lots of good things—time I don’t regret at all! But stuff that had to be dealt with right then, wreaking havoc on a consistent routine.
Now that Labor Day has rolled around this year—without weddings or graduations or moves on the coming horizon—I have again been thinking about the structure of my days. And it suddenly occurred to me that I am, indeed, in school again. In this season of my life, I am learning who I am now that my children are grown and (mostly) married. I am learning how to live in our small space and urban environment. I am learning how to be a long-distance friend—and how to make new friends again. I am learning to rely on the Lord when I am lonely.
Photo by Carli Jeen on Unsplash
Unfortunately, this school doesn’t come with an 8-3 school day. Or a tardy bell. Or a teacher or principal to make sure I stay on track. And yet this is the school the Lord has prepared for me in this season. A school in which I must govern myself and my time, learn to be both productive and flexible, available to those I love. In fact, it might be about learning to let go of the schedule altogether. And if that is true, this school of mine might prove to be the most challenging learning experience of my life.
Does the “back to school” schedule make you happy or crush your spirit? Do you get more done when you are busy or when you have more flexible time available? If you no longer have kids with a school routine, have you been able to impose a routine on yourself or have you learned to go with the flow? Any tips on either?
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The year the empty nest hit for me, I got slammed from several different directions: I lost my job, my mother died, our daughter had just married and moved out, our son was in college, and my husband’s job took him out of the house from 4:30 in the morning till 7:00 at night. I had *nothing* to keep me propped upright, and like you, I am a very structured person. It took about four years, but eventually I found a different rhythm. I also found a Project to keep me going: transcribing church worship services for my personal use. These days I see that as having come as a gift from God, as I don’t know what I would have done, emotionally, without it.
Now we’re in a different season, as my husband has retired, and it turns out – who knew – our diurnal rhythms are completely different. I’m one of these people, apparently rare in an introvert, who gets out of bed and hits the ground running; he’s someone who takes three hours to gear up. So the most productive hours of my day are spent mainly keeping quiet and not getting anything done! My internal clock is so off-kilter that I’ve begun waking up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep until 5:00 a.m. (when I used to get up). Still trying to figure this one out…
It’s good to know I’m not alone in struggling to figure this out! Thank you for sharing! And yes, I’m terrified I’ll find my rhythm then my husband will retire–because I already know how different our “rhythms” are! Hang in there!
I’ve always found the following statement to be true, “If you want something done, ask a busy person,” and as such, I always accomplished more when I was busy, however, they weren’t always the things I wanted to do. I’ve been retired for four years and haven’t been able to accomplish more in all my free time. Of course, my days have been filled with reorganizing, cleaning out closets, going through thirty years of teaching materials, filing and ordering 12 years of my husband’s sermons ( he went into the ministry late in life and retired when I did), doctor’s appointments, and the most pleasurable thing – picking up our granddaughter after school and spending time with her. Now that she has started middle school, she will only be with us for two afternoons a week. So, I guess I would say that it takes time to create a routine, especially when you’re trying to do all the things you didn’t have time to do before, when you had a structured day with different responsibilities.
Having said that, I am really enjoying retirement and making time to do some of the hobbies I had neglected – cross stitch, scrapbooking, and much more reading. At the end of summer, I am always ready for fall. School began for us yesterday and our weekly Bible study also started up again. Hope you can fall into a productive and enjoyable routine as an empty nester!
Thank you for sharing your experiences! I know I’m impatient when it comes to the time it takes to establish a new schedule in a new season. I guess I thought it would just happen. Glad school and schedule are in swing for you again!:)
I love summer! But with three kids under my roof, the ‘back to school’ schedule definitely makes me happy. I get so much more accomplished!
Enjoy these years with that kind of structure, Becky! 🙂
Because of staggered school start times and 2 kids being home sick already, this is only my 3rd day of having ALL of my 4 kids in school all day (even though we’re now on the 3rd week in for my oldest). I’m enjoying the back-to-school season, but I have an opportunity to schedule my days and, hopefully, accomplish a bit more in the way of to-do lists than I’ve ever been able to before. Prior to these last 15 years of parenting young children at home, I was working full-time, so this is new to me!
Congrats on getting them all off to school finally! 🙂 I hope you have many fabulously productive days!
I am a school teacher. I teach 9th and 12th grade English. Because my life is school, school, school, I absolutely long for and cherish my breaks, weekends included. But, I struggle with free time because it disappears so quickly. I blink and a Friday afternoon is Monday, or June is August. I do long for the day when my schedule can truly be mine again, but I feel I will be like you…in need of my 8-3 schedule! Make To-Do lists!!! Those keep me focused. I also purposely schedule appointments for early AM to also help me stay focused and on a schedule during my off times. 😀
Yes, To-Do lists are my life. Great idea for a reason to do appointments early. I’m not a morning person so I tend to avoid that, but it might help! Thanks!